Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Being unemployed can be stressful.  I know, I know, those that are employed might respond to that statement with, "What the heck are you stressed about?  And how stressful can it possibly be sleeping in every day and wandering about picking lint off of your pants?"

Well, I can guarantee all those employed folks of the world that we unemployed have our share of stress responses going on within our seemingly relaxed existence.  Hopefully someone will begin to notice and take pitty on us and spoon-feed us a job.  Can you see that happening?  Me neither.

So what is this experience about?  I for one have found endless things to keep me busy.  And on top of that, as I've mentioned before, everyone else seems to think they need to keep me busy also. I don't know about you but I need a vacation from being unemployed.  Working for a living sounds much more relaxing and more profitable as well. 

Though I have wanted to create a new life for myself, it seems I always fall back into the same routine thought pattern of needing to hurry up and get a job; any job.  Sad though it is, the economy does not look promising and living in a commune-type setting is becoming more attractive to me as the days pass. Sharing can be beautiful, right?

Does anyone out there have any ideas for a new direction we can go?  How about a new industry that all of us can partake in?

Help!  I am unemployed and alone and somehow it seems like no one cares and I will live under the viaduct before someone does.  And at that point, they won't be able to find me because they won't know where to look!  I feel like I am planning for a trip.  Pack up the blankets, organize my clothes, scale down and get ready, is what goes through my mind on a daily basis.  Do you have these same plans going through your head?  Is it survial instinct taking over or am I simply going nuts?  Uh oh.  There is that word again; nuts.

Help us oh unemployment wizard!  We are floundering in a cataclysm of lost faith and sheer panic!  I do believe I will spin in circles until I fall down in a dizzy stupor and go to sleep.  Goodnight.

Friday, December 18, 2009

HOW COME MY DOG NEVER WIPES HER BUTT?...and other ponderences of my day

Seems I spend an awful lot of time lately, following my dog's butt around the park.  As a result I get a first hand opportunity to study her potty habits.  Armed with a pocket full of plastic doggie doo-doo bags, I take my position very seriously and document, if only in my mind, her behavior surrounding defecation. 

I've become a scientist of sorts, examining fecal matter for color, form and volume.  It speaks to my dog's health and as far as I can reckon so far, she's darn healthy; at least physically. 

Lately though, I've wondered about my dog's spirituality.  Where does she draw her strength?  To what does she attribute her great love of me, her affectionate nature and her ability to live in a continual state of bliss? 

Today as I prepared for my scientific expedition about the park grounds, I decided to take a closer look at my dog, her overall appearance and her specific attitudes pertaining to her time-outs for potty donations. It seems she never stops to wipe her butt after her routine dump.  Why is that?  I mean, I couldn't get away with that, could you? 

Sometimes I sit here, in my unemployed state and I think, 'hey girl, you need to get your shit together. You need a plan and you need one now.  You need to clean up your act.' But today while looking at my dog, I realized I don't have to clean up.  She doesn't and look who's riding around on her butt!

Keep the faith oh fellow unemployed ones.  Someone is watching over you whether you can see 'him' or not.  And don't be so hard on yourself.
Just play along with your day, make a mess, don't worry about cleaning up and see what happens.  It may be that the miracle you want is riding right along on your tail end, just waiting to be discovered. 

(for clarification, this is not my dog's butt but a borrowed image)

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Does time speed up or do we slow down when we're unemployed?  I don't know about you but I thought I just got done eating turkey.  Now it's time for Christmas and I don't have my shopping done.

Speaking of which, have you noticed the crap in the stores this year?  Seems when I was employed, everything was better quality.  Maybe I am justifying not spending by cheapening everything in my mind so that I can stay within my budget.  It's hard to say.

I became disgusted walking through the mall today.  All the silly, beeping plastic toys, blinking lights and cheap jewelry kiosks.  It made me sneer.  Am I a grinch?  I don't think so.  I simply find it pathetic what the holiday season has become.  A shopper's high pressured nightmare. Hurry, hurry!  Buy up all the chintzy crap before someone else does!

I'd be happy sitting home with my loved ones drinking a hot chocolate and playing a game of hillbilly scrabble.  Christmas has become so commercialized we don't even have time to celebrate it.  We're too busy consuming so that we can unwrap our presents in a rush and be on our way.  Ugh.

Let's start our own holiday.  The holiday of the unemployed.  No gift exchange.  No time schedule.  No big, fat ham for dinner.  No stress.  We'll cook up some grilled cheese sandwiches, put a pot of Campbells tomato soup on the stove, get out the jar of pickles and a can of Pepsi and ring in the season with a toast to simplicity. And take the time to hug each other and just 'be' in each other's presence.  Enough of the over spending on crap that will be shoved in the closet or spend years under the bed until it is donated to the thrift store.  It means nothing.

Love is something.  Love is free.  Love can be kept, given away, donated or it can be wrapped around you to keep you warm.  Love is the most versatile gift you can give. And nothing compares to the love that is felt when you spend time on those you love, not money.  So if you're on a budget this year, no worries.  Give them your presence, and don't worry about the presents.              

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I'm too busy picking up the house and helping friends in need to go back to work!  What about you? 

It seems to me, being a volunteer would be a lovely way to make a living.  It's too bad it doesn't send you a paycheck in the mail. 

As I've mentioned before, employed or not, I seem to find plenty to fill my day.  So much so that I wonder how I ever had time to 'work' for a living. 

Sometimes things happen for a reason.  I think my reason for being unemployed is that there are a few people out there right now that need my help.  

I had considered volunteering previously but never quite got around to joining any one organization.  Why?  Because I can be a flake.  I didn't want to let anyone down. I figured I would join and then lose interest and not want to show up.  ARghh...I hate it when I am faced with those qualities in me that I would rather not acknowledge.

Somehow though, when the need is close to home, my flakes fly off into the distance and I become Steady Eddie, revved up and ready. I think we all may carry that quality to some degree. When a loved one needs you, it feels more real than someone you've never met.  It's just our human nature and the way our emotions work.  So I'll let myself off the hook and won't feel guilty for  being human.

Are you done picking up your house?  Have you organized your files, painted the kitchen and organized your closets?  Do you have a friend in need?  Brush off your flakey side and lend them a hand.  We have time, you and I.  And now is the time to give it to someone other than a corporation.  Don't you think? 

Monday, December 14, 2009


It's cold out.  The birds are hungry.  Take time out of your day to feed a bird.  Fill your feeders with seed and if you don't have a feeder, throw the seed out the window.  They'll find it.

Might I ad, that if I have to listen to my parrot quote May West one more time this morning, I am going to scream!  Although I find him entertaining, at times I wonder how he can sit within the confines of his cage and repeat the same phrase over and over and over until his bird voice is hoarse.

With that in mind, are we really all that unlike my seemingly stir crazy parrot?  Think about it.  When employed, we get up, go through our routine of getting showered, dressed and out the door.  We drive to our jobs and do the same thing, over and over and over......some of us, until our voices are plum worn out.  So my observation today is that given a set of circumstances such as being locked within the confines of four walls for any given amount of time, or within the same, ritualistic routine, we all start to repeat ourselves, over and over and over....until our voices and/or our spirits are just plain worn out.  I'm worn out just thinking about it.

But alas, there is 'hope.'  Hope for what, you ask?  Well, there's just hope.  There must be, because our president says so, right?  Therefore, it must be the case because within the confines of what I know, what he says, goes.  Mm-hm.

Define hope.  We all have our definition of what it means.  So think about yours.  Do you hope you will find a job within the same industry you were in before you became unemployed?  Do you hope that the economy will improve so that new and different jobs will be available?  Do you hope that you can finish your education before your benefits run out and you will hopefully land a position making more money than you did before?  What do you hope for?

I hope that I will win the lotto so I can play in the woods all day, write song lyrics and start a blog about living free.  That's what I hope for.  I hope that all those who are ill become fully alive and healthy.  I hope for the resiliency of the world's children.  Who knows what they will have to face in their lives.  I hope that love is true and not something we make up in our fantasies.  I hope that the world's sheep will wake up and stand up against their governments and refuse to fight.   I hope that it will snow another foot and we all will have neighborhood block parties with hot apple cider, children laughing and adults visiting. And I hope that in doing so, we all feel more alive as a result.  Not exhausted from our repetitive existence, our daily rituals and the 'hope' that our lives will 'change.'

I believe that though we at times become strained through repeating our actions over and over and over, there is something within the human psyche that requires an outline of daily behavior, in order to feel fulfilled.  It gives us a purpose.  What I 'hope' for is that soon we will wake up and define our purpose for ourselves; not allow the confines of what we currently know, keep us within the four walls that cause us to scream uncontrollably, as my parrot, until we are hoarse.  


Saturday, December 12, 2009


Do you ever wonder how the great discoverers of our time discovered their great find?  What did they have in mind when they set out on their journey?  Were they even on a journey to begin with?

Though being unemployed has placed me in a position to be open to discovery, I really have no idea what it will be that I discover or what form it will be in. And am I dedicated to finding out something about myself or do I even play an important role in what I am about to learn?

This week I have learned something new.  If we don't have a job, so to speak, we will create one with what comes natural to us.  It's not as though, as I previously thought, we have to come up with some complex business plan and develop some ingenious new idea that no one has thought of in order to create a new career for ourselves.  If we just move through each day and allow it to carry us in directions that feel natural without giving it much thought, we suddenly become furiously busy! Now, for the paycheck!

My discovery (which I really already knew about myself but my day job was hiding it) is that I love the outdoors, I love to be of service to others, I love to cook for people and I love my dog. I love to write, I love to spend time with my few special friends and I love to analyze the crap out of every behavior of everyone I know.  I find it thoroughly irritating on some level, why I cannot just hang loose and let it all be without dissecting everything and everyone but hey, it's who I am.

I'm not quite certain how I will create a job of the above interests.  Right now, I don't really care.  What matters is that I have made a discovery and that discovery is me.  Yes, me.  Me, me, me....all about me!  After all, it is me that is unemployed, me that desires a paycheck and me that is writing this ridiculous blog. 

What's your day showing you?  Are you in the fear mode?  Are you madly applying for jobs, scared to death your unemployment benefits will run out before you land another position?  Or are you allowing yourself to run a bit wild, wandering about, letting your whims carry you through the day and responding to your environment as it tosses little hurdles in your path?  It's up to you.  Give it a try.  Let go and trust that as a feather in the wind, you too will land upon a safe place.  But not before a lovely journey floating through the discoveries locked away, hidden by that once held 'day job.'

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Getting a Grip - Abundance is Yours!

Well, today is another day and a beautiful one at that.  Slumps can be a good thing when you are on the up side of climbing out of one. I liken it to being under water, out of air, and bursting up through the water, feeling the fresh oxygen rushing into my lungs.  There is hope! There is air!  I am alive! 

Speaking of which, let's get down to the heart of our situation.  Truly, being unemployed is not the worst thing that can happen.  Yes, it is stressful and challenging and there is an empty void of uncertainty ahead.  But if you look at life as a whole, every day is filled with uncertainty.  We don't know from one minute to the next if we will even be alive.  We just forget that while we get caught up in worrying about 'the little stuff.'

Looking off into the distance can become an obsession. We forget to see what is right in front of us and take each moment and savor it. Scrambling about, straining to see ahead, we worry ourselves into a frenzy.  Will I have enough money to pay the heat bill?  Will the sale on avacados still be going on by the time I get to the grocery store?  Is my true love out there somewhere?  Will my tires last another winter?  Why didn't the neighbor wave back at me today? 

Stop. Ask yourself what it takes to experience this life. What carries you through this physical existence where you get to drive yourself mad by letting your thoughts run you?

Your body.

You need your body so that you can continue this life experience, no matter what experience you choose to have.  So then why, pray tell, are you sitting around eating junk and feeling sorry for yourself while unemployed?

Use this time to get in the best possible shape that you can. You don't have to get ready for a triathalon.  Just get up and bundle up into the best cold weather clothes you can find, grab the dog or a friend or your alter-ego and head out the door!  Walk!  Walk and walk and walk.  And while you walk, look around you.  Every time you see something that is asthetically pleasing, send a thank you out to the world. Feel the muscles and tendons in your arms and legs and around your waist flexing as you walk.  Breathe deep.

While sitting around the house your body is alive, but treading water isn't the same as doing a full on breast stroke.  Give yourself a chance to experience something more than the mundane, the average, the O.K.  And know that the healthier and more vibrant your body is, the happier and more exciting your life experience will be! If all this is too overwhelming at this point then just add a gallon of water to your daily diet. Watch what happens! You'll be amazed. Because without our health, we have nothing. And with it, we have everything!


Monday, December 7, 2009

Loneliness and Other Symptoms of Needing Employment

Hanging out with the dog is getting old.  Though she is a valuable friend, it would be nice to have a response in English once in a while. 

Although being unemployed gives us plenty of free time to get those projects taken care of that we have put on the back burner for so long, it's sometimes difficult to get motivated with no one else there to bounce ideas off of, greet in the hallway or just hear in the background.  The silence can be deafening.

Thoughts have crossed my mind as to how all of the talented unemployed people of the nation can get together and create a company of their own.  And some kind soul who read this blog has mentioned it as well.  If that was the case, what kind of business would we embark on?  Does anyone have any ideas? 

I wonder if anyone is really out there, reading this.  There are a few comments now and then but sometimes I secretly wonder if it is my best friend, in her attempts to encourage me, hiding behind different screen names, dropping comments and voting now and then.  I suppose the daily challenge of self-entertainment has turned me semi-psychotic and paranoid.  After all, I did put mayonaise in my hair today hoping it would work as a conditioning agent. 

Hopefully, the sunshine will last and I won't die a slow, painful, unemployed death of light deprivation.  Living in the Northwest can be devastatingly depressing in the winter months. And I have made a strong effort to gain access to the light, every chance I get, and take the pooch out for a walk-jog-gasp for breath-stroll in the daytime hours.

With no words of encouragement, I am bloggette failure tonight, off to the couch to watch a rented movie, wish I had a nice warm meal in front of me that I am too lazy to cook and wonder if anyone else feels as isolated as I. 

Doom and Gloom............................Hurray for Unemployment...Somebody Save Me!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

My Dog Stinks and Other Issues of the Day

One thing that is noticeable about not being employed is that we still find things to fill our day right up until the time we go to bed. 

Dog walking has become a favorite past time of mine and I do it whether I want to or not.  Why? Because I am held accountable by the nibbling on my leg if it doesn't occur on time.  Thinking that today was going to be relaxing and slow, I meandered to the riverfront with the pupparoo and jogged and walked along the trail. Knowing that I can not keep up with a 20+ mile per hour sled dog, I released her from her leash and let her run wild. 

Dogs are sneaky.

I watched my stunning pet run to and fro and found myself narrating her behaviors.  "Ahhh...what a beautiful day!  Upf! Yee-hee, there goes a squirrel!  I'm running, I'm running...ah! Got an itch. (scratch, scratch, scratch) Mmmmm...what's that?  Smells nifty!  Oh!  Bowzer was here!  From the smell of it, he was just here seconds ago!  Better squat and pee so he knows I said 'hi.'  Oh, oh...oh God, I've gotta poop.  Yep, nope, yep, this looks like a good spot. Ahhh...much better..there's a bird! Oh..where's Mom..oh there she is...OH my Gosh! I know what that is...I smell it...yes I do. Uh huh...  A dead fish!  I have been wanting one of those!  Where is it? Where is it?? I can smell it...OH!  There it is.  (roll, roll, roll)  Oh the scent!  It is simply divine!  Ah..more, more! Ooooo...oooo...yee hee!  I wanna run now. Yup, I wanna run.  I smell like a fish! Run, run, run!  The breeze is fishy and I'm fishy and I am so happ.......Uh oh.  Mom looks very unhappy.  Yikes...better cower.  Not sure what I've done...uh oh...oh, she's pissed. She is not speaking well of me right now..............."

Today I was thinking I could learn from my dog.  They are so spontaneous and lively.  If they feel like doing something, they just do it.  They don't wonder if they can, they don't question their abilities.  They don't worry about what other dogs will think if they try something.  They just do it.  And they love themselves and everyone around them while they are doing what they do.  They live entirely in the moment. 

Which leads me to the moments leading to hours that I spent scrubbing this dog today in my attempts to remove the foul odor that she finds to be so delectable.  Bottles of vinegar, perfume, shampoo, conditioner and peppermint oil later...she still stinks! The added fragrance has her turning her nose up and rolling on the carpet in her attempts to uncover once again, an odor she enjoys.  To each their own.  You can't please everyone. Today she and I have both been successful at creating environments that the other does not like. Oddly, we are still in adoration of one another.

So if you find yourself wanting to roll in something new that everyone else says is a stinky idea, think about whether it makes you happy.  If it does, then roll away.  Try your new direction, roll in the stink, enjoy yourself and don't worry about anyone else.  My dog doesn't and I still love her.  So if you decide to put a halt to applying for office jobs or executive positions and the scent of being a sewer plant worker is calling your name, then do it!  Who cares?  We all love you no matter what and if you're happy we'll adjust.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thanksgiving Turkeys

Skating through the holidays without frustration and argument can be worthy of an award.  One that I am not worthy of, by the way.  Thanksgiving brings on the question of where do we go, who do we invite, what shall we eat and what about Aunt Francis? And last but not least, HOW are we going to put up with sister-in-law Sue, the know-it-all.

Honestly, I find the holidays to be rather pathetic.  What has it come to?  A family that rarely gets together any other time of year is required to suffer through a meal at the same table and pretend to be happy about it. I'm no Eor but what has occurred as a result of what's his name having a sit down meal with the pilgrims just doesn't cut it.  We are now required to bring flowers, food and gather on this one day each year and 'gobble' all that is put in front of us; all the while hoping that no one breaks out into a knock down drag out.  And did someone mention gluttony?  How many Americans can you count on one hand that could use another helping of greasy gravy over mashed potatoes?  We make me sick.

Though our country is going through an 'economic crisis' and there are so many unemployed and sadly, people living on the streets, for the most part, those of us who sat down to our traditional dinner have more than anyone could ever hope for and more.  So we celebrate it by shoving more food down our throats.  Love it, LOVE it! ARghhhh...why weren't we feeding the ones that don't have anything to be thankful for?  I am as guilty as all.

All in all, Thanksgiving and the holidays can be a lot of fun.  We all love our families and our spouses, children and significant others and fixing a big feast for the people we love can be exciting.  

And though each family has its turkey or two, when times get tough we know that we'll all gather together in a flock and do our part to help one another. 

So while your cleaning up the Thanksgiving dinner and straightening the mess in the house from all the relatives, or if you're just returning home and are thanking God that you live alone, remember that EVERY day can be Thanksgiving no matter where you live, who you are or what turkeys you have to interact with on a daily basis.

Let's get back to basics.  Many of us already have.  The holidays are meant for sharing time, love and attention with our loved ones, not over-eating, fighting with our families and running ourselves into debt.  Be smart this holiday, think simple, think love and think 'thank you.'

Friday, November 20, 2009


Trapped in our heads, the chaos ensues.  The circular, merry-go-round running faster and faster in an impetuous burst of confined, blinded mastery; the naive soul sinks to despair. 

Lost without the daily torment of rituals ingrained, we find a superficial solace in activities outside of ourselves, in physical pleasures and in mind numbing substance and food.  

Where is the relief?  Our rituals are what have kept us sane, are they not?  Or are we living in the only state we know?  Hypnosis.  Like birds in a pet shop, when the long awaited cage door opens, we gingerly step outside, thrilled to embrace the exhilaration of freedom from our confines.  But upon testing the emptiness we become disoriented and frightened, craving the four walls that have held us within a predictable existence from the beginning of time.  And though those walls are covered with scales and cold to the touch, they are familiar, there is no guessing about our limitations, which are many, and we rely on them to keep us safe.  Safe from what?  The frightening world that they promise us if we dare to step outside their bounds. We hunker down at the bottom of our safe havens, mouths wide open like a huddle of hungry chicks, begging to be fed something of sustenance, questioning not the value of what we ravenously ingest.  The proverbial tray of food that slides through the bars on a daily basis is comfortable, laden with mind numbing chemicals and additives leaving us in a perfectly prepared state, open to the suggestions we so hope will rescue us from our demise.  We are taught to parrot our zookeepers and repeat back what is fed us, over and over and over; parroting is a sign of great ability, is it not? And while we parrot, we train our minds; to accept, to believe, to protect our food and...... to follow. 

Torment is of the dark.  Sadness and fear feed the dark.  Belief systems create limitation. With love and light, darkness cannot reside.  There is no limitation to creation and creation is 'God' and 'God' is light. 

Are you parroting what you are told?  Are you taking it in, believing it because you have been 'told' the source is credible?  Are you taking part in rituals, afraid to embrace the truth or not knowing how?  Do you ever question the source of what you follow, research the source, experience the source for yourself before succumbing to the broadcast of 'information?' Do you climb outside of your cage, take a step back and give objective observation a chance?  

Your mind is tuned to the frequency that it has been taught to zero in on from the beginning of your 'life' on this earth.  Do you truly believe that sports, reality shows and control-based ritual is what you are meant to live? Is setting the alarm every day and getting out of bed to go to work so that you can support the Elite of the world what you came here to do? Is military involvement 'defending your country?' Says who?  Someone who has been telling you, over and over and over. They hope you believe.  They know with enough repetition you will because your mind will be imprinted within a short period of time. What is being fed to you by the Elite and everything they own and run?   .....there is no escaping your cage......unless you see that the door is open and you decide to step outside of this far-fetched reality.  

Abundance Is Yours For The Taking

 Free Your Mind

Let go.  Jump.  Consider yourself free and you will be.  You were not meant to reside inside a cage of limitation, a prisoner of war; internal war inside of your body's mind.  Seek the quiet and know that what resides inside of you is what you invite.  We are nothing but energy.  Energy that our minds decode.  With that said, choose to decode your surroundings to suit your desires and your dreams and with love....and you will be met by the visitation of the light. Because with the light, there can be no darkness.  Love is all there is.

Read up.  Read about the Queens of this world.  Read about those that run Our government. Read about the media.  Read about our health organization. Why do those that run this world all come from the same family bloodline?  Why?  Who, or is it WHAT runs this world? Dare to ask and dare to know.

Be Free.  You Were Meant To Be. 

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Run Forrest, Run!

Do you ever look at all your problems and find yourself feeling as though you would like to escape?  Does running out the door and not looking back sound like the relief you're looking for? Or maybe escaping isn't your idea of relief.  Maybe the unknown that is waiting outside the door is just too scary.  Scarier than the problem you are facing. 

Then you could possibly be a sweeper.  What's a sweeper, you ask?  A sweeper generally picks up the edge of the throw rug and sweeps all the undesirable matter underneath it, then gently replaces the rug.  Dusting off their hands, the sweeper feels as though the issue has been resolved.  It is not within plain sight, therefore it does not exist. Ahhh. The sweeper feels better now because even looking at the problem is too painful.

Then there are the action figures.  Action figures see the problem and immediately leap upon them, fearlessly tackling them to the ground, pummeling them to the point where they are no longer recognizable; mere fragments of what they once were. Action figures want things resolved, once and for all. No B.S. No long, drawn out hassles.  Just get 'er done!

Last but not least, there are the ice sculptures. Though ice sculptures are interesting to look at, they generally do nothing to generate even the slightest relief from the pain resulting from an uncomfortable issue.  Frozen, scared and unable to move, the ice sculpture simply stands perfectly still, believing that if they can just continue to look good to everyone else, no one will notice they are melting from the heat of their pain. Don't move and maybe it will just go away.

Everyone has a way of dealing with the uncomfortable situations they are faced with in life. Some methods are more efficient than others.  Some take care of the problem for the short term, others for the long term.  But every method has its place.

Which is your chosen method? Are you looking for a short term fix or a long term solution that will free you from this problem once and for all?

So step one: Examine the issue. Come on all you ice sculptures!  It's not as bad as you think.  Just take a quick glance.
Step two: Examine the roles that are available to you and the outcome that will occur as a result of playing each one.  What do you want the end of the story to look like?
Step three: Pick your character and go to work! 

Now relax and enjoy the outcome of your chosen role in your life.  And hold yourself accountable if upon experiencing the outcome your life story is not unfolding the way you would have it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Feeling Kind of Down? Maybe We're Not Good Enough........

Sometimes going in a different direction can bring on feelings of apprehension and uncertainty.  An idea wrapped in enthusiasm and excitement can lose its initial glow, flickering down to a minute pile of glowing embers, tucked away in the corner of our minds. Our attitude can spiral down till all we can see in front of us is the ground.

Today I was meandering around, painting walls and cleaning a few cupboards, not too enthused about anything much.  I decided to check my email and upon opening one in particular I found a message from a friend.  Not just any friend, mind you, but a life long friend.  Her message indicated that she was struggling through her work day, reaching for something to give her the strength to continue on; my daily (which has become not so daily) blog. I got a visual of her crawling through the desert, clawing at the air, handfuls of sand trickling from her sun-burned fingers, a look of desperation on her flushed face. She stated she could not go on any further without reading the message of my daily blog, of which I had not yet written.

I haven't written in a few days.  My enthusiasm took a down turn and I doubted my ability; my ability to write, my ability to entertain and my ability to inspire.  So I had just let my ideas burn down into a small pile of embers in my mind, glowing a bit but certainly not lighting me up. Not my usual perky self, I had been feeling a bit down.  Because as far as I am concerned and to my knowledge, my musings are not changing anyone's life for the better.

We all need inspiration once in a while.  Even those of us who are working to inspire others.  Feeling down can be a real drag. When you're moving in a new direction in life, having a day of the sags can really be frightening.  The doubts that fill your mind can be overwhelming.  "Maybe I'm past my prime.  Maybe there's no hope for me.  Maybe I never had it to begin with.  Maybe I should just conform again.  Because maybe no one will like what I do."

Though my friend would support and encourage anything I decided to embark on, crazy or not, my doubts perked up and lifted when I saw her email.  Someone needs me!  I make a difference!  I communicate, I inspire!  Looking straight ahead and seeing nothing but my dream, I rushed to complete my domestic tasks and dog-walking so that I could plant myself at the computer and do what I love; write!

So when you don't think you can make it even one more step in the direction you are moving and everything seems a dull, lifeless shade of poi, remember: Whatever your purpose,  keep feeling it in your heart.  It is the sensations from living our goals, not achieving them, that brings us life.

And though it may seem like what you do doesn't make a difference, think again.  Someone out there is relying on you to fulfill their day. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

"If it Flies, Floats or F***s ....Rent It"

 ....pant, pant, pant..."OH CUPCAKE, HELP ME! I'M SO SCARED!"


Do you ever wonder about the people you went to high school with?  Do you ever wonder where they are, what they are doing and whether they're happy and having a great life?                                                            

Sometimes people evolve into greatness, personal greatness.  Why?  Because of the paths they choose.  Do you think it is the best schools, the best clothes, the best exercise program and the best cars along with the best bank    account that brings that greatness?  Well think again.  Greatness is what you choose to be, above and beyond what your mind decodes as success. It is the attitude you develop because of and in spite of how your brain interprets your life experiences.  Wealth measured by material gain is temporary and physical.  It says nothing for who you are.

Stand up and place your hands in your pockets. Who are you today?  What do you stand for?  Now hold out your hand and place a stack of greenbacks in it and squeeze tight.  Who are you now? 

Might you be the same individual who stood up just moments ago, empty handed?  We come into this world empty handed.  We will go out the same.  What we develop while we are here is what we will leave with.  The development of our spirit.

How much love can you handle?  Some of us, not much. So we bury ourselves in what we call our 'work.' Sadly, fear-based thinking keeps love at bay and invites misery stacked upon sadness, often times coupled with hatred.  And then we strike out due to the fear; fear of pain, fear of rejection, fear we may feel the way we chose to feel once before.  And typically, this will perpetuate itself over and over again because we have programmed ourselves to react to what is outside of us as something of an enemy, not to mention our reality.  Peering out from the black veil of protection, so scared we can't take positive action, we remain lifeless and dull, wearing the false face of worldly success.

Life can be beautiful.  Life can be filled with love.  Life can be exhilarating.  But life, your life, is what you make it.  It is what you choose to interpret.  It is how you program your mind, which is merely a computer, to accept information as either safe to download or as a threat to your system.

Fear based thinking keeps people from loving relationships, from experiencing joy and from the union of two people sharing their lives.  Fear comes from our wounds and our wounds come from how we interpret what happens outside of us.

So next time you view a man as a macho pig when he incessantly makes verbal assaults on the opposite sex, stating it's better to rent than buy something that flies, floats or f***s, (hence openly admitting that for him a woman, like a boat, is not only his penis extension but his flotation device, protecting him from the elements he can't bear on his own) because he fears she will find out he is not good enough, hence pull the plug, leaving him to drown and take some of their mutual worldly possessions (crap that burdens him).......or you see a woman as too much of a feminist because she will not allow a man to open her door because that will scream to the world that she is weak and incapable, question yourself and your own perceptions. 

Make the choice to see them as the beautiful souls that they are, interconnected with you and all other living things.  And know that they have simply made a choice, at this point in their life path, to have the experience of allowing themselves to be infected with a virus of sorts.  One that will continue to eat away at them, providing the misery they are programmed to expect, creating a life stage of jaded illusion and an eternal black hole of emotional need within their hearts.... until they accept that we are all one; all from love and all returning to love, together.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's Dark and Rainy...I Don't Wanna Go Out There.....

..... I'm warm, comfortable and reading a good book.  The dog is wrapped around me keeping the chill off and the house is peaceful.  Why would anyone in their right mind want to go outside on a cold, rainy November day when they can have comfort, warmth, a book and a dog?

Honestly, it's rather depressing knowing that I can't go outside.  On the other hand, I'm too tired, I'm not motivated and I just want to sit and read and snack on 'stuff' all day.  What's wrong with that?  Nothing really, except that I have no energy whatsoever.  This is a good reason to sit on my butt.  I can't go anywhere because I just don't have the energy.  Heavy sigh....yawn...I think I'll wander into the bathroom and at least take a shower.

Holy cryin' out loud!  Who's that?  Another heavy sigh and the realization that it is me, myself and I that I see in the mirror looking back at moi. Art is a beautiful thing but becoming 'art' is not my goal in life. Guess what?  The shower is going to happen quickly because nature calls and I don't mean the toilet.  Time to get outside and attach myself to this dog for another drag around the park trails.

So I bundle up and grab the leash.  The dog, by the way, is ecstatic.  She doesn't care if it's -20 out there, she is a bowl full of enthusiasm.  Blech.  It's sloppy, wet and just plain ugly out.  Here we go.  Slop, slop, slop, out to the car.  Of course there has to be a few mad rushes through puddles before my lovely creature decides she will jump onto the front seat.  Whatever.  My car has become the dog-mobile and I have accepted that fact after much kicking and screaming with each episode of irrepairable damage.  Ugh.  Where are we going?  I end up on a drive through the country.  Bless my canine's heart, she is thrilled to have some new scenery and of course the opportunity to howl at cows.

After some time we end up back where we started and drive to one of the lovely city parks for an afternoon of squirrel chasing. I utilize her sled-dog pulling abilities and mush her up a steep hill through the woods.  She decides to stop and come back toward me,  half way up,  sending me spinning round the flimsy branch I caught just in time to keep myself from literally falling back and rolling down the hill.  After much scrambling and laughter I encourage her to try again and up we go, to the top.  My heart is in my throat and I release the leash, allowing her to be free while I stagger along wheezing.  She embarks on an hour of mad dashes toward everything and anything that moves in her path, including many startled squirrels.

Just because it's raining cats and dogs doesn't mean you will be bombarded by a plethora of claws and tails. 
Soon I have forgotten how slovenly I was feeling earlier and I am jogging through the paths and gingerly tip-toeing through the tree roots.  Still, I reminisce of being a semi-flat chested 18 year old, with no additional body fat, running at top speed through the trees.  Alas, the jolt of my breasts, hitting bottom before they rise again in their attempt to meet the sky, brings me back to my current reality.  Life in the woods is challenging when you're carting around the daily reminder of what you have sucked through your lips in the past 8 years. I feel as though there is a 30 pound slinky riding up and down my mid-section as I struggle to become remotely airborne.  And did I mention my ankles and how they threaten to collapse each time my feet make contact with the earth?  Upon my body's descent from what feels like a fall from the heavens the impact is excruciating. Why so many little, fragile bones in the feet and ankles?  I will leave that for another day of musing.

When have I ever allowed anything to get in my way when I have set out to do something that I was determined to accomplish?  I haven't.  In fact, a couple of years back, before knowing I was severely anemic,  I,  bound and determined to see a mountain goat, up close and personal, hiked 5 miles straight up to the top of Alpine Lookout and 5 miles straight back down.  Was it challenging? Sure. In fact I can remember gasping for breath to the point of being over wrought with emotion, feeling the surge of tears welling up inside of me.  Knowing now that my body was not able to carry the oxygen that it needed, it all makes sense.  But at the time, I was rather irritated and embarrassed that I was having a difficult time ascending the trail.  But, I kept going. I was going to make it to the top of that mountain come hell or high water; and I did.  Might I ad,  my mountain goat was there to greet me and we had ourselves an up close and personal little chat.

You too, I can imagine, have brought to reality many of the dreams you've created. And without allowing anything to stop you.  So why sit inside on a crappy day just because it is raining?  The woods were lovely today.  The scent of the earth and the crispness of the wind was exhilerating.  The joy I felt watching my dog run maniacally about the trails was unmatched.  And the rush of fresh air into my lungs accompanied by my pounding heart and the blood swimming through my body made me feel alive again; refreshed, enthused and happy to be on the planet. I also felt a sense of accomplishment.  I jogged my body around and hopefully scared off some of that additional, complacent 'self' I have accumulated over the years.

So get up!  Move around and stop letting the onset of winter bring you down.  It IS cold out there.  Corporate America was cold too.  But you got up and did it every day.  How did you survive it?  You prepared.  You dressed appropriately for the conditions and you didn't let the little stuff get in your way.  You still have the strength to achieve your goals today.  Being employed by an entity doesn't make you successful.  But employing yourself and giving yourself the push you need to accomplish your own goals is what success is truly about.  It's about feeling it; in the air, in the blood cursing through your veins and in your heart.  Being alive can be magnificent.  IF you choose to live.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Global Warming? Not Where I Live

I don't know about you but the cool air has arrived in my town.  Just a few more preparations and home is ready for the ongoing chill of winter.

The onset of winter has always been a time to bring out the indoor projects.  Whether it be redecorating a room, writing that long dreamed of novel or just cuddling up by the fire to watch a few movies, winter can be a time of reflection and planning. As well as a time to live in the moment with our loved ones.

Being locked in the house together can disturb the complacency of the daily rush through our professional lives and the activities of those who choose to stay busy while unemployed.  Issues that have been set aside for discussion on a rainy day, well, it's high time they are discussed and resolved.  Otherwise winter is going to be longer than we anticipated.

Getting the cold shoulder can be much more difficult to endure than the chill of the winds of winter. The protection of a warm coat and a wool scarf  can repel the elements and make a walk through the snow inviting and enjoyable.  There is, however, no protection from the cold bite of the air when there is tension between those who cohabitate.  Walking into a room can be devastating to the soul if warmth and shared love does not abound.

So in preparation for winter,  let's drag out the sewing projects, gather together the notes we have saved to write those novels and pick out paint colors for the new decorating project.  But first, let's hold up one finger and test the domestic air current in our homes.  Is it a warm breeze?  A few gusts of cool air followed by a lovely el nino or is it icy gale force winds accompanied by a small craft warning?  Let's assess the domestic atmosphere and prepare by cleaning things up together.  Let's toss out those old attitudes and matted down misunderstandings that we don't need and prepare our nests with additional love so that hunkering down together this winter is filled with warmth and joy.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Being in a slump can really suck your energy.  I have found this to be true since I have been off work.  I can find all kinds of reasons for just a few more winks of sleep, just one more bite of cake, or just a few more minutes of relaxing on the couch.  It's too early, it's too dark, it's too cold, it's too late, it's too soon, it's not the right time, it's too boring, I'm too tired, I will do it tomorrow, I deserve to rest, I don't WANNA!

Heavy sigh.  I think I'll have another cup of hot chocolate and contemplate my fat rolls.  I wonder when I will get up the gumption to do more exercise than walking the dog and relying on her to pull me up the hills.  I wonder how many marshmallows are in each packet of chocolate.  I wonder how many more leaves will fall into the yard.  I wonder if the job market will ever pick up.  I wonder if I'll ever feel motivated to recover that couch I bought.  I wonder if I should get up and wind the clock.  I wonder.  Sluuuuurp. Ahhhhhh.  I wonder if anyone would notice if I sat in bed and watched TV, read and napped all day.  I wonder if I would feel guilty if I did.

Reading the latest on Facebook, I found a friend online.  We discussed lunch this week and then determined through much chatter, that we could combine lunch with cleaning her outdoor sheds and straightening up her back deck, in preparation for winter.  She too, is in a slump and needs someone to help her get motivated.

What a wonderful day we had.  Screaming at spiders, throwing away junk, sweeping clods of dirt and organizing garden tools. We squealed at webs, jumped sideways at bugs, laughed at our fears and got the job done.  When you have a friend there to chat with, the idea of getting things cleaned up becomes exciting and you become filled with newly found energy.  The burden of guilt, procrastination and self-beatings come to a cheerful hault and you are encompassed in a buzz of vibrancy.

Staying in a slump is a heavy load for the body to bear.  The lowered energy that results from thoughts that give us reasons not to do the things that we really want to do can spiral us down into a catatonic state of stoic inability to lift our head off the pillow.

If you find yourself in an unemployed state of rigamortis, gather up the strength to call a friend.  Inquire as to what they need help with.  Insist on providing the assistance they need to get that job done that they have been putting aside.  Set a time and jump out of bed and rush to their assistance.  Ask them lots of questions and watch the rust leave their brain and listen for the chatter of ideas that start flowing from their mouths as they take physical action toward their goal.  Feel your inner burners fire up and send you into non-stop action, accompanying them along their path to a successful day.  Your own projects will come to the forefront of your mind and you won't be able to wait to get home so that you can tackle your own pile of discarded to-dos. Relish the feeling of being fully alive.

If this is too overwhelming for you, your head feels glued to the pillow and you cannot find the strength to offer a friend help, pick up the phone and call them anyway.  And ask for a hand up.  It's OK.  That's what friends are for.  We are there for one another, through thick and thin, good and bad.  Friendship.  It's a beautiful thing.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Reflecting Back

This week I busied myself with tidiness.  It feels good to have time to take on the part of an anal retentive, go through files, clean off my desk, look at insurance documents, analyze my finances and just get things cleaned up and orderly.  Once the clutter has been removed and everything is somewhere that I can actually find it, my mind has nothing else to keep it clogged.  I find this refreshing.

On the other hand, it has been painful. I am now free to think about what is in my heart.  All these years I have been jumping from rock to rock, surviving. Getting ahead financially, making certain I invest, growing my portfolio so I can retire and have a free and clear roof over my head. It seems I have barely been able to keep up.  Run, run, run.  I'm late, I'm early, the bills are due, I have to go to that birthday party, the car needs new tires, crap another bill, it's the weekend I have to do the wash, it's Christmas again!  It seems I have never looked up really.  I've just continued on that wheel and everything has been in such a clutter, my heart hasn't been able to see its way out of the mess to know what it truly feels.  And on the occasions when it has peered out from under the veil of big business, it has buried its head again, because honestly, it didn't see a way out.

Well, last night as I sat on the couch enjoying the wind storm, I became a little sad.  I was reflecting back on some paperwork I had uncovered earlier in the day.  It was an interest assessment test I had taken back when I graduated from high school.  Sadly, I looked back on the path I have taken over the years due to what I saw as necessity.  Security in the financial arena is what makes me feel safe and calm.  So I took civil service jobs, sales jobs, management jobs, and an advertising executive job.

My assessment test told me I am a musician and an artist and a performer and lover of nature. Through and through, I want to create and love being outdoors to this day.  Funny, we never really change.

I have been successful at any job I have ever taken on; most of which I didn't care for much.  I wonder how successful I could be if I actually did something I enjoyed.  It's almost frightening to think about.  And sad because I feel I have lost so many years that could have been applied to what I love.  Think how my heart might have sung all these years!  Now middle-aged, I sit in a pool of regret to some degree.

But wait!  It is what I have done and what I have experienced that has made me who I am today.  I may not have gained the confidence and the drive that I currently possess if I hadn't developed the left side of my brain to the degree that I have.  I have created some balance!  So the first several years of my professional life have been dedicated to becoming aware of my thinking side and learning how to use it.  Now from here forward, it is smooth sailing, right?  I can dedicate myself to what my heart desires and not be so concerned about my nest egg. I can create what I want and have the business savvy to market it. At this age, it may be a stretch but lots of people start new adventures well into their senior years.  Why not? 

I find getting older gives me a certain sense of inner peace anyway.  I no longer care if anyone likes my outfit, my hair or what they are thinking of me as I walk across the room.  In fact, if I bring about negative comments from onlookers, I am humored and am glad I am interesting enough to take notice of.  I know the jokes on them, not me.  More often, I am able to just laugh along with them.

So from here forward, I'm taking this confidence and life experience and I am focusing it on a different path.  A path that my heart chooses, one that makes it sing and one that I know I was born to walk on.  To hell with convention, to hell with living the American dream (whatever that is...what IS it anyway?).  I'm going to live MY dream and love the life I am creating!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

This Blog Dedicated To Health

Please read this entire article before you choose to get a vaccine.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Reaching for the Top?

First I must add a disclaimer in view of my previous post.  Upon given the challenge, by a friend, to use the word 'porcupine' in my post, I developed a story around it.  With that said, please be aware that my general state of mind these days is not reflecting back on topics that might bring forth feelings of negativity.  If my mind does wander in that direction, it is up to me to reverse the way I feel about that particular event or at the very least find some positive personal outcome from the experience.

As a result of the experiences I have had, and the fact that I am unemployed, I am able find things swirling about my head on a daily basis that I think you might enjoy knowing about.  I am reaching higher, taking chances and daring to speak out where others may be offended.  Knowing that I am free to write and speak out as I choose, provides the feeling none less than that of being at the top of a mountain after a day's climb.  I hope soon I will catch my breath and be as accomplished as one who can yell and hear their voice echo back.

Exercise is good, whether it be in a vocation or a physical sense.  What you use daily, becomes conditioned and asks to be challenged yet further. My daily walks on trails and through parks have evolved into walks with intermittent short jogs; very short, I might ad.  I don't reach for a goal when I am out there or even when I think of being out there.  I just get out there.  What comes to me while I am in nature is the inspiration to jog a few steps.  After doing so, I realize that I have just moved  closer to my goal without the outcome in the forefront of my mind.  Movement in any direction is movement and carries with it, life.  Lack of movement equals death.  Death of the mind, death of the body, death of one's dream.  If you are moving, with your dream in mind, you cannot help but get closer to the end goal. Once out there you will find that it is not the end goal that brings forth the bliss.  It is being out there and feeling the movement of your goal come to life within you. 

Place your easy chair in front of the biggest window you can find.  Open the curtains. Take a good long look at the mountain out there and dream. If you must sit there for several days, so be it.  It's your dream.  Do what you want with it.  Without worrying about what gear to take or how many days you will be gone, just open the front door one day.  You don't have to go out there.  Just open the door.  Feel the cool air come in and brush against your face.  Feel the invitation from your dream.  Now go back and sit in your chair and think about how that kiss felt against your cheek.  Hopefully the temptation will be overwhelming.  And next time you get up and open that door, you will step outside and let the wind carry you away. 

Goals and dreams don't have to be difficult to obtain.  Why would we want them if it is painful to experience them?  The process of acquiring the end result should feel exciting, calming and thrilling all wrapped up in one delightful afternoon walk through the park with the mountain coming closer into view with each step.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Do You Ever Miss Your Old Manager?

Sometimes I reminisce about my days at said corporation.  Honestly, I made some wonderful friends there.  In fact, I found myself surrounded in a lot of like-minded people who were successful enough in their own minds that my confident, outspoken nature didn't intimidate them as it has many past co-workers. In fact, they liked it, were humored by it and loved my light-hearted satire.  Most often they joined in.  It was a wonderful crowd. We had some great times and kept each other going on the illusory corporate hamster wheel of fortune. 

At one point we named our unit 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest' and gave each of us a character in the movie.  We had a good time with that for a while. Now and then we'd all get together after a meeting and just get stoned drunk and have some laughs.  One night we all partied at the beach house owned by a gentleman in our unit.  We had a lovely dinner, drank wine, had a few shots of tequila and God knows what else.  We ended up flopped out on the floor in front of the fire, all 5 or 6 of us, out cold until morning.  It was like being back in high school.  Yes, we had some great times. 

Today, a few of the same folks still work at the same company.  I hear the going is really rough and the management has become utterly intolerable in their inhumane expectations of 'corporate compliance.'  Following the business model, to the T, is not the goal, it is the requirement; even if it is ridiculously unattainable. 

If I think of the moments I didn't like while at said company, I would say that being hammered to perform beyond human ability is one that stands out the most.  The second would be the chilly, sideways glances if you dared to challenge the program with yet possibly a better solution.  If I didn't know better, I would swear that upper management had the ability to do the reptilian shapeshift routine but rather than shift into lizards they would evolve into porcupines, quills standing at attention, threatening to puncture your body with a hundred painful barbs if you so much as breathed anything but the scent of greenbacks coming in the door.

Those are the memories I prefer to leave behind while keeping all the friendships I made in the forefront. Something good comes from every experience in life no matter how bad things may look at the time. 

Today as I was walking my dog through the park and watching her chase squirrels, I glanced up through the massive evergreens and felt my heart swim in warmth.  The birds were singing and the autumn leaves were swirling through the air as they cascaded to the ground.  I was truly at peace and content; so appreciative of the afternoons I am able to spend in the park, so thankful for my fun-loving dog and utterly pleased to be breathing the spicy fall air!  But honestly, what I am most thankful for these days, is that getting up in the morning is for the purpose of living MY life, not stuffing the pockets of some talking head CEO and all of his greedy VP pricks! 

Tune in tomorrow and I'll tell ya how I REALLY feel!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Living My Dream

Last night I had a dream I was back at work. My attitude and focus were entirely different than when I was actually working for a living.  I was dressed very casually, my hair was wet and in a towel, I wore no makeup and my focus was on nothing.  I was just existing, calm, comfortable, with no clock ticking away in my head and no emotional reactions.  I was just peaceful and aware.

I was at a convention center and was to attend a meeting in a conference room there. I wandered into one of the rooms where someone was giving a presentation.  Wondering if I was in the correct room, I found I was a bit disoriented but not in the least bit apprehensive or nervous.  I couldn't make up my mind which chair I wanted to sit in so I just decided I would go back out into the hallway.  At that point I saw a woman friend I wanted to visit with so we sat down at a small table out in the foyer and chatted for quite some time.  Everyone around us was stopping by and telling us that the introductory meetings were over and now we were supposed to progress up the stairs to the first training meeting of the day.  I didn't care.  I simply kept chatting with my friend.  She mentioned, a few times, that we should probably get going but then we would dive deeper into our conversation.  I ordered some sort of drink with an orange slice in it and simply lived in the moment, enjoying my friend and sipping my lovely little cocktail.  Finally, she decided she really had to get to class and got up and left me.  I figured I should probably go too.  I knew that this training class was almost over and that we had chatted through most of it.  Again, I didn't care and had no anxiety over it. 
I stopped off at the bathroom before my journey to the training room and while washing my hands I noticed my hair was still in a towel.  I took the towel off and my hair had dried in a funky style with a huge cowlick in the back.  What to do? Ho-hum. I spent several minutes surveying my hair in the mirror. 

At that point, the hallways became flooded with the sound of chatter and the door to the bathroom opened and many women came in.  Training class was over. I didn't care nor did I have any feelings about it one way or the other.  I was busy fixing my hair. 

While employed, in real life, I found myself wishing for days where I could just do whatever I wanted, dress casually at work and totally flake out on going to any of the meetings.  Unfortunately, my military, mind-controlled existence had me in a state of constant compliance, my nerves sending messages for yet more adrenalin bursts every time I even had a thought of stepping outside the boundary lines of corporate expectation.  I would dream of being in a state of pure consciousness,  reach for the place of bliss and hope that I could catch even just a moment of its sensation.  But my mind, though out of breath and gasping for spiritual oxygen, would just run faster and faster on the illusory  hamster wheel, its left-brain knowing full well that doom was just one step away if I faltered. 

Many months ago, though I only had dreamed of what bliss might feel like, I did what any unruly, worn out hamster might do; I leaped from my wheel into the unknown.  Today I awaken and I wander about the house with my hair in a towel, no makeup and casual clothes.  When I review the schedule of events for the day; the errands, the chores, the job hunt and the blogs, I mix them up a bit. There is no schedule. I walk the dog, stop to take in deep breaths of fresh, non-recycled air, feel the beauty of the fall leaves in my heart and just live in a state of bliss.  When I come home from the walk, I might pick up the rake and build a few piles of leaves on the grass. In fact, I found myself still raking long after sun down last night.  I do what I feel at any given moment.  I let my current experience dictate my actions. Yes, I have become what our modern world might consider to be a genuine flake.  Hence no blog when I am too busy examining my hair in the mirror or drinking a silly orange-laced cocktail and chatting with a friend. Or if I just have nothing to say.  Yesterday I had nothing to say.  I was just too busy existing and experiencing and being what many hamsters might think of as a flake.  Happy wheel running, ya'll! 

Friday, October 16, 2009

What Was Your Image In the Office?

I'm going to reinvent my image.

While working at said company, I believe my image was conservative, friendly, honest and driven with a twist of raving bitch that would hiss through clenched teeth when a co-worker flapped their gums one too many times in my direction. So overall, I think I was pretty approachable.

These days I am left to spend large amounts of time alone with only my dog to observe me.  And she really doesn't care what my image is.  But I think I do.  Or at the very least, I think I want to.  So today I am going to reinvent how the world sees me.

Rather than be the blond, blue-eyed, innocent faced, non-threatening gal that most people see me as,  I think I will evolve into the vixen.  Why not paint my eyes dark, color my lips to give the illusion of exaggerated fullness and peer out from under a veil of sinister illusion? I will then go apply to be a waitress at a tavern and speak to no one but my customers.  And only when I take their drink order.  I will be mysterious and deep, intriguing and aloof.  Everyone will stare at me, the women will hate me and the men will fantasize about me.  I will take on a strut and swing my hips to and fro, swishing past all and leaving a scent of musky perfume that leaves every male's head spinning.  The air will vibrate with the muted screams of sex and old women will hold their hands to their hearts, their mouths open, aghast.  Old men, will chuckle and tap their canes, and reminisce of their younger days.  I will be the subject of teenage boy's dares and the envy of pre-teen girls.  The talk of the town, I will become the harlot that wives fear. Whilst in a crowd,  I will lick my lips slowly and never turn my head.  My eyes will survey my surroundings, looking each individual up and down in detail.  Rooms will go silent when I come through the door and the crowds will step back and part to allow me past.

And I will live in a small pink house, with black roses climbing the fence. The shimmering, tattered curtains will blow from the windows every season of the year and the crows will perch upon my roof and holler.   I will aerate the lawn with my stillettos, throw seed to the birds while wearing a see-through nightgown and water the flower garden in the nude.  There will be days when I will emerge from the front door, my hair teased straight up, my bra on backward and my underwear swinging from my arm.  People will turn their heads and rush their children past.

The whole town will be famous for me.  Tourists will come from near and from far to get a glimpse.  The town's people will erect an admission booth at the top of my street and cars will come by in steady streams from all over the world.  The economy will thrive and all will be fed and all will be good. 

And I will be happy, inside my own existence with no rules, no questions, no rights and no wrongs, in a state of total acceptance and bliss.

If only we all could just be who we are.  The world might just adjust and everything might come into balance and harmony.  Including the atmosphere of the corporate office.