Friday, October 16, 2009

What Was Your Image In the Office?

I'm going to reinvent my image.

While working at said company, I believe my image was conservative, friendly, honest and driven with a twist of raving bitch that would hiss through clenched teeth when a co-worker flapped their gums one too many times in my direction. So overall, I think I was pretty approachable.

These days I am left to spend large amounts of time alone with only my dog to observe me.  And she really doesn't care what my image is.  But I think I do.  Or at the very least, I think I want to.  So today I am going to reinvent how the world sees me.

Rather than be the blond, blue-eyed, innocent faced, non-threatening gal that most people see me as,  I think I will evolve into the vixen.  Why not paint my eyes dark, color my lips to give the illusion of exaggerated fullness and peer out from under a veil of sinister illusion? I will then go apply to be a waitress at a tavern and speak to no one but my customers.  And only when I take their drink order.  I will be mysterious and deep, intriguing and aloof.  Everyone will stare at me, the women will hate me and the men will fantasize about me.  I will take on a strut and swing my hips to and fro, swishing past all and leaving a scent of musky perfume that leaves every male's head spinning.  The air will vibrate with the muted screams of sex and old women will hold their hands to their hearts, their mouths open, aghast.  Old men, will chuckle and tap their canes, and reminisce of their younger days.  I will be the subject of teenage boy's dares and the envy of pre-teen girls.  The talk of the town, I will become the harlot that wives fear. Whilst in a crowd,  I will lick my lips slowly and never turn my head.  My eyes will survey my surroundings, looking each individual up and down in detail.  Rooms will go silent when I come through the door and the crowds will step back and part to allow me past.

And I will live in a small pink house, with black roses climbing the fence. The shimmering, tattered curtains will blow from the windows every season of the year and the crows will perch upon my roof and holler.   I will aerate the lawn with my stillettos, throw seed to the birds while wearing a see-through nightgown and water the flower garden in the nude.  There will be days when I will emerge from the front door, my hair teased straight up, my bra on backward and my underwear swinging from my arm.  People will turn their heads and rush their children past.

The whole town will be famous for me.  Tourists will come from near and from far to get a glimpse.  The town's people will erect an admission booth at the top of my street and cars will come by in steady streams from all over the world.  The economy will thrive and all will be fed and all will be good. 

And I will be happy, inside my own existence with no rules, no questions, no rights and no wrongs, in a state of total acceptance and bliss.

If only we all could just be who we are.  The world might just adjust and everything might come into balance and harmony.  Including the atmosphere of the corporate office.

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