Wednesday, October 14, 2009

So Much For Pretending To Be A Princess


When I first became unemployed I thought it might be a good time to catch up on all the activities that I enjoyed.  I figured, in between searching for jobs, I could live in a bit of a fairy-tale land and do things like get my nails done, apply and re-apply my make-up, bake cookies and overall just spend an hour or so a day pretending to be a princess.

What I have found is that I have busied myself with catching up with the organization of my finances, getting all the papers on my desk put into some sort of reasonable order and other tasks about home that have been put off because I was just 'too busy.' Additionally, it has given me valuable time to assist my aging parents. I could ad to the list but I think you get the picture.  I have been very busy.

With that said, I have discovered that it does not matter whether you are working for an employer or not, your personality is the same.  If you are prone to work diligently, you are prone to work diligently, no matter what task you take on and no matter if you work for yourself or for an employer or you are at home with time off. Between helping family and gluing all the pieces together that have fallen apart while I was employed, my days are full.

What I find interesting is not so much how I see my day unfolding but how other people see me. Oddly, I am receiving all kinds of random phone calls. Everyone from friends, to old clients wanting me to 'do something' for them. Apparently, it is assumed that I am sitting on my butt in front of the boob tube eating bon bons. Certainly these people aren't peering in my windows and if they were, they would see that bon bons are not on the menu and the T.V. is non-functional.

Curiously, they are all calling me from their vehicles while driving down the road. I too drive down the road and have answered their calls while doing so. But apparently, they visualize me submerged in a fragrant bubble bath with my pool boy at my side. Better yet, sitting erect at my desk, pencil in hand, awaiting their call with enthusiasm.

Further, these poor souls are not only reaching out to me in what appears to be desperation, it is apparent they have some considerable loss of cognitive ability.  Many of the people calling me are employed.  Assuming that most business owners hire people because they find them to be intelligent and capable, I am stumped as to why I am receiving these calls. They claim to not be able to solve the simplest of equations. The list of requests goes as follows:

1)Hi this is Jacob (name changed to protect the stupid) I need you to call me back and tell me the right 800 number to call for the extension of my unemployment benefits.  My thoughts?  I suppose it is the same number you called to get them in the first place.  Why do you think I would have any greater access to information than you do? 

2)I don't know what form to get from abc corporation so that I can do xyz!  Guess what?  Neither do I!  Why don't you dial their number instead of mine and ask them!  Get the information from them instead of whining at me in hopes I will do it for you! 

And last but not least, as I am driving down the road in the middle of an hour and a half commute to an appointment, I get this call from a friend who owns their own successful business and travels internationally on a regular basis:

3)Please help me.  I do not understand. (Because I don't want to right now) I am making reservations to fly to L.A. and it says $49 flight one way.  I do not know if I should buy one way or get a round trip.  Will you do it for me?
My response:  I am driving down the road.
Their response: I am driving on the freeway. I do not have time. You do it for me. I don't understand. 

I don't understand either! How the hell am I supposed to know if you are going down there to stay or returning home after your visit?  Additionally, do the math! What makes the most logical sense given your set up circumstances? 

See?  Loss of cognitive ability!

Now I'm sorry but since when am I anyone's personal travel agent, let alone their secretary?  Call someone else who does this for a living or at least someone who is sitting in front of their computer!  I'm in the frickin' car! Further, I fly twice per year.  You fly 5 or more times per year.  Who's advice would YOU take?

Look people.  I am unemployed, not volunteering for those too lazy and suddenly too stupid to handle their own lives. If I wanted to counsel people with lobotamies all day, I would work in a nut house. And if I wanted to be someone's personal assistant, I would apply to be one!

Right now, I want to be the princess or at the very least get the benefit of being unemployed which means not taking orders all day from stupid people. As far as I can tell, you are all capable of handling your own crap so stop mistaking my Juicy Couture handbag for a feces catcher. My unemployed calendar is entirely too full for me to follow the likes of your ass around all day, handling all of the shit you don't want to deal with.

1 comment:

Mary said...

OMG! You have got to be kidding me. Maybe you should start your own business as a "life coach". Although I must admit, I'm doing a quick mental inventory to make sure I have not asked you for anything that would have put me on your "shit" list. Oh! LOL