Unemployment - The Sanity Chronicles

WHAT NOW?

2010-09-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

What to do? I've been unemployed for so long now, I have taken on a whole new identity. What is my new identity? I really have no idea. I think, but I'm not certain, that I have become a sloth. The only part of my existence that doesn't resemble a sloth, however, is that I don't find myself hanging around in trees. I need to re-think this.

I thought that with all this time on my hands I would evolve into what I truly am, what I was meant to be, what I have dreamed of doing while I worked my corporate job. Sure, I've baked several batches of designer, french cookies, developed more soup recipes, walked the dog through numerous parks and learned how to recover furniture. I've even grown a lovely container herb garden and numerous, well thought out flower pots. But what now? How do I turn what I have become (part chef, part dog-walker, part container garden designer, part sloth) into a job that will bring me an income? Has all this time off given me the answers? I'm not sure. Why? Because as usual I am confused.

I feel like I have spun circles for almost two years so that I can come right back to my original state; confused. Maybe this is what I was meant to be! I am confused, therefore I am...confused. I suppose I could create the Confusion Soup Company. Although who in their right mind (most likely an unconfused one) would venture to eat soup created by a confused cook? On the other hand, maybe that's what would delight potential soup tasters. Spinning in circles of confusion is what I am. I am a soup of interests at the mercy of the ever swirling spoon of society forcing me to blend and mix everything that I am to become something palatable to those who order me off the menu of worker bees. And here I am, back to square one, confused and marketing myself in the spinning circle of unemployed workers.

I think it's time to take the bull by the horns, the spoon by the handle and create my own company. Something that combines all of the parts of me that I like to call my own. Soup, Dog-Walking, Nature, and Container Gardens. What should I call it? You tell me. I'm open for suggestions.

What are you up to with your time off? What have you discovered about yourself? Are you an artist? An organizer? A builder? Maybe you too are part sloth. No matter what we are, wherever we are, it is what is truly meant to be. Trying to fit into someone else's mold never works. Take this time and discover things about yourself that maybe you didn't know. Or skip back to when you were a child and become that person again. Because we are born in to who we are. We just tend to forget.

LIZARDS AND BRAIN MUSH

2010-08-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

MY BRAIN ON EMPTY

I'm wondering if I have anything to offer the ever changing work force. My reptilian brain has not been in use for some time now. No schedules, no routine, nothing I HAVE to do by any certain time.

I have spent much time lately wandering around in a stupor of sorts, daydreaming, wishing, contemplating the blue of the sky, watering my herb garden and watching it grow with much delight.
The business side of my brain appears to be on hold; empty.

Time, as we see it, is 'running out' and so are the funds. Shall I be homeless, living under the viaduct, as I have somewhat joked about in the past? I'm doubting my ability to get an interview and wondering if I did get one if I could operate this thing I call a mouth.

Brain mush has set in. Lack of use has put me in a bug-eyed stare, focused on nothing but my daydream of floating around on the deck of a large yacht. What are those winning lottery numbers, anyway?

Have YOU landed a job? If so, please share. The rest of us want to live vicariously through you and wish for a morsel of the positive!

If you are as I, unemployed still, let's sign up for volunteering this week AGAIN. It gets us out there among the working instead of 'out there' among our daydreams and gives us grand opportunity to interact, network, have some fun and overall lift our spirits to a place where what we put out is a highly efficient and happy individual that will attract the right job offer. After all, companies hire PEOPLE not resumes.

Spring has Sprung (almost) and so has My Wallet

2010-01-28T11:07:00.000-08:00

Running out of cash? Not yet but in the near future? Many people have unemployment benefits that have helped ease the financial pain of not working. But those benefits are soon to run out. The impending doom is looming over our heads and threatening us with a new lifestyle; homeless, under the viaduct. What now?

Saving money is impossible for most people in our situation. In fact, there is not enough to cover the monthly living expenses as it is. Finding ways to generate additional income and save a few pennies can be the difference between staying in our homes or being out on the street. Because as you know, a mortgage payment that is even a dollar short, is not accepted. No partial payments allowed. It's all or nothing.

I'm wandering the house today, diving into closets, scrounging through pockets of clothing I haven't worn in a while, searching for coins and long forgotten dollar bills. I'm reaching up into the cupboards and finding the change I have tossed into cups and lifting the cushions of my couch in hopes of finding a reward. Next, I am off to clean my car. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Car seats and the floors under them can be gold mines of wealth when you need 'just one more dollar.'

When I return from my car cleaning extravaganza I will embark on a more thorough assessment of the interior of my closets. Certainly I can make $10 selling unwanted items that have been stored here for the last several years. Additionally, why not clean up my environment in the process. I will Fung Shui my surroundings to bring forth abundance!

Clean and Fresh!

The thought of spring is taking my attention outdoors. The buds are forming on the trees, reminding me that soon the weather will be warmer. Parallel to that event, my wallet will become close to empty and I may miss a few meals. Scanning the flower beds for size, depth and location, the wheels in my head spin new ideas.

With the money I am gathering from my 'easter egg hunt' throughout pockets, seats and cupboards, I am going to plant a vegetable garden. The savings on groceries will be substantial, my plate will feature organic foods and my health will most likely improve as a result! I might even lose a few pounds through the increased portions of vegetables.

Let's continue to find new ways to save a few cents. "A penny saved is a penny earned," is what my Mother used to say. And coming from the era of the Great Depression, I believe she had something there!

Hiding Out

2010-01-28T08:14:00.000-08:00

Being unemployed can certainly put us in a rut. Staying home and scanning the internet for jobs can become the daily routine. Though it is the modern day way of communicating with potential employers, it can be isolating and somewhat depressing.

Get out!

Keeping in mind that there is a world out there, make sure you take time to go explore it a bit while you're not working. Go to the park, walk the dog, hang out at the coffee shop or go window shopping at the mall. Art galleries, museums and plant nurseries are waiting for you. It will cheer you up, give you something else to focus on for a while, giving your mind a break. And you might run into someone you know, or better yet, meet someone new. Why is this important? The more people you come in contact with every day, the more opportunities you have to network. Strike up conversations. While you're visiting, be sure to tell people you're looking for work. You will be surprised at who might have a lead for you; a potential opportunity to become gainfully employed once again.

Everyone out there knows someone who isn't working right now. And everyone out there knows someone who is. So find out where people ARE working and do a little research into these companies to see if you might fit in. Better yet, see if these companies fit YOU.

Though times are challenging, we need to be creative. The more ways you find to meet new people, the better your chances of hearing about the jobs that may not be advertised. So get out there, go have fun and market yourself all day long!

Career Counseling - It is a God Send

2010-01-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

Is the industry that you worked in laying off more workers? Do you find yourself wondering if you need to develop new or additional skills in order to gain employment once again? You're not alone.

Many people are coming to the conclusion that it may be a cold day in 'that place down there' before they are either rehired by the company they were layed off from or a new opportunity presents itself that their skill set can fill.

Is it time to think outside the box?

Have you ever dreamed of a job that didn't fit society's mainstream idea of an acceptable way to make a living? Have you ever wanted to open up your own fish bait store? A second hand sink store? A soup kitchen-laundry mat combo? Maybe you want to act in commercials, fly into fishing lodges in remote locations and deliver singing telegrams or write a book about all the different species of slugs in the Pacific Northwest!

Today I hoofed it into the local community college. I walked into the counseling office and created a student ID and signed in on the waiting list. After 10 minutes or so, I was motioned into the office of a shockingly handsome man. As I rambled on, darting here and there in my random manner, I studied his face. This person was actually listening to me and considering what I had to say. Ahhh. How refreshing! I continued on and somehow arrived at why I was there. "I don't know what to do." He nodded calmly and replied that he sees many people in the same situation as I. Surprise, surprise! I am not the only person in the world who feels as though they have a dilemma on their hands. He understands me!!!!!!

He pushed me through a series of questions and statements to consider and together we arrived back at my dream. "Follow Your Bliss" was the lesson of my half hour counseling session today. "Follow Your Bliss"

Take this time of unemployment to explore what you truly want. Consider your values, your talents, your dreams and those activities where time passes before you while you, completely unaware, emerse yourself in a bath of slug categorizing or soup recipes. Love what you do. That is what is most important. The money WILL follow. And take this time to speak with a college counselor. It is free, it is valuable and it may set you on a course toward your dream, guilt free. If nothing else, you might see something you would have never imagined!

DNA

2010-01-26T21:47:00.000-08:00

It's been discovered that everything on our beautiful planet is essentially made up of the same DNA. We are all connected in an intricate and complex way. Knowing that, can I not have abundance if abundance is what I am made up of? Does that mean I am everything and nothing existing all in the same space, at any given time in any given dimension?

Has unemployment sent me off the deep end? Or am I simply viewing things from a different perspective? If I am the same in DNA as a rock or a tree, then maybe I should observe their behavior when facing the elements that get thrown at them throughout their existence. The rock- it is solid and stable, rolling when pushed aside. The tree- it is solid and stable, bending when pushed by the force of the wind.

I wonder, do I need to be more flexible? Do I need to consider stepping out of my comfort zone? Do I need to bend more or better yet, roll to another location? The wind certainly has been blowing lately and I must admit, my branches are a bit tattered from the constant beating.

What is your expertise? Are you an expert in a field that seems to have no job openings? Many of us are highly trained professionals with seemingly no job opportunities in our communities. We are stable and solid. But I think it's time I and maybe you, let the wind push us to bend and roll a little.

A new location may be the answer. Where is the industry that supports your profession flourising? Is some research in order? Are you an engineer, a green energy expert? Look throughout the U.S. What is going on? Texas is a breeding ground for wind energy. Have you thought of uprooting your tree and rolling your rock to a new location? Think about it. Sometimes new surroundings are just what the doctor ordered. Especially if the guarantee of a great job awaits you!

Connect the dots. Look at how you can attach yourself and your profession to what is shakin' and movin'. We are made up of the same stuff, you and I, the same DNA. We can learn from observing the plants and animals and rocks in our environment. We walk by them every day as though they don't exist. But like the spirit in the sky, they wait for us to acknowledge them and when we do, they provide us a gift, if only we ask.

What's YOUR Worm Smokin?

2010-01-19T18:32:00.000-08:00

Whoooo Are Yoooou?

Let's all smoke a doobie and figure it out! Again the folks of the sixties; I don't know, I think they had something there.

Getting 'back on track' as I call it, I had this novel idea to go back to school and learn something brand new; something that would enable me to land a stable, respectable, predictable and decent paying job. Upon discussing my education options with a career counselor at the college, I felt encouraged.

Speaking with a friend this afternoon and relaying all that I had gathered in terms of requirements and information about my new found direction, he made a statement. "That's a lot of work, a big commitment. I would think you would have to be passionate about it if you are going to put all that effort forth."

On hearing his words, I paused. I then spat out my thought process. I started with the word security, followed by stable, followed by job opportunities followed by all the other logical reasons to go in this new direction. Then I took a deep breath. The next thing out of my mouth was, "...am I passionate about it? No."

So here I sit, pondering. Should I or shouldn't I? Is this an entire waste of my time? I mean, should I just head back into corporate America and bite the greedy bullet of another sales job? Ugh...WHAT now? I dunno, I dunno, I DUNNO!

Alice didn't know either. In fact, she just wanted to know that she was going SOMEWHERE. I think I might be in the same boat with her. Now where is that hookah when I need it most? I could take a trip and never leave home!

Life decisions can be hard. Being an American with all the choices available to us, it's almost criminal. I've never seen being middle-aged as a hurdle but knowing which way to go is. I think it's time to wish upon a star....or is that follow the yellow brick road? I'm not certain because honestly, I am just plain mixed up.

I want to know that when I get up in the morning my world is smokin' hot! And I don't mean the funny green stuff. We all need to be excited about what we do every day, without an 'organic' or chemical boost to the mood. Passion is important. It is the basis of creation.

What are you passionate about? And what are you creating as a result? I think it's back to square one for me. Back to that original plan to create my life. But first, I have to go on a trip to find my passions.

Hide -N- Seek............... the denial of adulthood reality

2010-01-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

Did you ever keep hiding when your parents yelled across the neighborhood, telling you it was time to come in for the night? Did you pretend you couldn't hear them? Did you cover your face with your hands as they walked past you, hiding in the bushes?

This morning as my phone rang and the wind blew outside my door, I burrowed down deep under the covers and pretended I was 4. "Don't find me yet Mommy, I'm not done hiding."

This afternoon I am living with the guilt of impersonating a child at the ripe age of 47. I spent the morning hiding from my life, hiding from my responsibilities and hiding from the fact that I don't have a job. My mind is going over excuses to relieve me of my burden. I stayed up late. I didn't sleep well the night before. I deserve it. Why not? Who cares anyway?

I'm not certain but I don't think we were meant to hide from life. Although it seems that many of us do, on occasion. Why can't we discipline ourselves when Mommy isn't there to tell us what to do next? Are we all weak willed and childish?

What is the solution? While employed I was on time for work, did my job and made Mommy proud. But without her here telling me that I don't get dessert if I don't get out of bed, I just lay here prone and.....well, I just rebel against the thought of her.

Deep down inside of us all a child still resides. We want to play, we want to be comforted and we want to feel safe. This morning, I took care of my child. I'm not certain it did my adult too much good but overall I don't think too much harm was done. Letting your child get away with a play day is not all bad. In fact it can be a nice break. We all need to be relieved of our responsibilities once in a while. And we all can benefit from a make believe party.

Just don't let your child take over the role of commander on a permanent basis. If you do, your life will run a muck, you will live in squalor and your adult will become terribly critical. Your child will then be beaten to a pulp and left in the closet for days on end with nothing to sustain it. The cycle will perpetuate itself and your peace of mind will cease to exist.

Keep things in balance, provide some structure. Reward your child for behaving like a grown up. It will benefit you both in the long run.

Oh Go Stick It Up Your Nose!

2010-01-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

The other day a friend of mine told me that upon reading one of my blog entries, she sprayed Coke (as in cola) out of her nose. It brightens my day to know that I have brought on a sudden burst of the giggles to one of my readers. In fact, it simply makes me feel divine. On the other hand, if one's nose is clogged, there are easier ways to clear the sinuses than inhaling Cola.

Ever seen a Neti-Pot? The image above is just that. You simply mix a light, salt water solution in the pot, tip your head over to one side and 'stick it up your nose!' Breathing through your mouth, or preferably humming to keep from feeling as though you are drowning, you allow the water to run through your sinuses.

Upon using my Neti-Pot for the first time, I came to the realization that my nose was just like that of a goose. I recall, as a child, slipping a blade of grass into the nostril of a goose and giggling at the fact that it came out the other side. There was our pet goose, running around with piece of grass horizontally wedged in its nose.
Low and behold while pouring the water into my nostril with the Neti-Pot, it ran through my sinuses and out the other nostril! Thankfully, I reached adulthood before learning this anatomy lesson. I may have sucked a few blades of grass if I'd known it as a kid.

Using these pots is a good way to maintain sinus health throughout the year. It clears all the impurities that we inhale on a daily basis. Further, it is rumored you can avoid becoming ill from viruses as a result of its regular use. So if sinus health is your goal, don't breathe cola. Just get a Neti-Pot and 'stick it up your nose.'

Life As A Sponge

2010-01-15T03:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there is just too much information. Too many options. Too many opinions to consider. The overload of data sends the synopsis of my brain into a chaotic freeway of sorts. Soon the stimulus becomes overwhelming and I simply swell from the electrical traffic jam occurring inside of me. Would someone just wring me out please?

It's delightful to feel as though you have come to a solid conclusion regarding a new and different career path. You've taken into consideration the economy, your interests, your life's mission and contemplated income and time requirements. Determining the cost for education and the pay off at its completion, you arrive at a decision; an actual decision! Then you step out to gather more data and opinions from the pros. OUCH! The market is flooded with new graduates! What now? Full of enthusiasm to mask my overloaded neuron pathways, I was just about to turn onto the freeway of societal norm; an accepted road to financial security.

Is this the universe telling me to stop? Am I being guided back to my original far-fetched plans? Is someone telling me to quit being practical and stop thinking about the paycheck and tradition? Am I to once again, float off into a creative world of make believe and attempt to entertain others as I carry them along with me?

Or maybe I was just meant to put my hyper-absorbed gray matter to domestic use. Why not get practical during a time of utter confusion and internal disarray?

When in doubt, shift gears and clean house! Squeeze out some of the dirty water and improve your living environment in the process.

Questioning this week's practical conclusions in terms of career, I am once again at square one. Do I want it that bad? Can I compete with a flooded market? Of course I can. I am ingenious, to say the least.

But too many hurdles and road blocks are life's way of telling us to take another route. There may be something we need to see along the way. Something we refuse to look at while taking the highly traveled interstates; the roads that have been mapped out for us.

Traveling the same streets day after day, we become blind to other options. This is the way it's always been done. This is what everyone else does. Therefore, it is what I will do. Without considering that there may be something else out there, something we've never experienced, something we may have never been able to dream up on our own, we merge onto the career highway, set our signal and move into the middle lane. Setting our cruise control, we feel safe. Based on current conditions, we will arrive at our destination, unscathed and 'on time.' Why look around? Everything is as it 'should' be.

Today I ran into some unexpected road construction. I can sit through it, along with the rest of the commutors, or take the nearest exit off the freeway of tradition and come up with an idea for a detour and once again go about creating my own path. Better yet, set my signal and let my heart guide me the rest of the way.

Somehow there is a discovery I have yet to make. Something new, something I never could have dreamed of. I'm turning off onto a dirt road now; one that no one ever dares to drive on. I wonder what I will find......................

Chef Boyardee and Other Thrills of Living Unemployed

2010-01-11T22:36:00.000-08:00

The acidic nature of ravioli has left me with indigestion and I sit here in wonderment. What happend to my 'get healthy regime?'

I'm not sure about you but unemployment simply slows one down. Taking a leisurely bath, putting my makeup on at just above an idle and putzing around the house can take up an entire day! Of course I can't exercise this week! I'm too busy counting the raindrops and taking naps. Besides, I have the flu! Is it the swine, you ask? Who the (snort) heck knows. What I do know is I might as well apply at Comcast because I could be a relative of the Slowskys. I'm too slow, too unemployed and too lazy to cook. Eating out of a can and pulling the covers over my head again sounds just fine to me.

What happened to that energetic, ever-positive blond who was going to go forth and take a hold of her life? This week? She just doesn't want to participate. Not in any of it. Sorry, checked out, on vacation, out of the office, will return after lunch. And lunch could take days.

It must be the weather. Rain always gives me that SAD thing they talk about on TV. So sad am I that I slept till 11am AND took a nap today. What is the answer?

I believe I will schedule some time to lay quietly and show gratitude and thanks for all the good in my life. Every little thing. Our minds, they are simply computers. And if we allow them to control us, who knows what websites they will visit. So let's take charge. Yes, it's winter and it's cold and it's dark and we still have roofs over our heads. Lay quietly. Think of everyone and every thing that is given to you every day that you take for granted. It is amazing that we even find a single thing to complain about, isn't it? And if eating ravioli is the worst thing that happens to me, isn't my life all but charmed?

Put up your umbrella and walk in the rain. You may see what you never would have and experience something that may have been hidden from you if you'd stayed inside and napped on the couch all day. And if you jump in a puddle or two, you may disturb the reflection that you thought might never change.

WHAT DID TODAY BRING?

2010-01-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and let's make it a great one! Have you been wanting to accomplish some wonderous thing, your entire life, but have never gathered up your insecurities and placed them on the shelf so you have room to pursue your dream? Well now is the time to take action. Why? Because the moon is blue this month!'

Let's pursue that special dream this year; the one we have put aside for so long. You know what it is, I know what it is. Let's do it! Life is short, being unemployed gives us extra time on our hands. We've already cleaned the cupboards and had the garage sale so let's go after that dream! Let's take action, feel it in our hearts, motion it to take over our days. Now is the time to do it. It's 2010! Celebrate this year. Celebrate that you have what it takes. Put your doubts on the shelf and run with your goal in your heart. And don't forget to enjoy the process!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ever Feel Like A Failure?

2010-01-04T11:34:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like a failure? Do you feel beat up, frowned upon, rejected? Me too.

Every now and then someone takes the time to comment on my blog and tell me how rotten it is, how tacky it is and how untalented I am. They tell me I just need to give up the idea of writing. I am simply a waste of paper and ink. Or in this case, web space.

I go through a series of emotions ranging from shocked to hurt to embarrassed to resolve and then back to embarrassed again. I am embarrassed that I ever thought I could entertain anyone with my prose, embarrassed that I think I am clever and embarrassed that I think that someone else's day might be lit up for a few moments as a result of reading my stories.

Maybe I SHOULD become a nurse or some other left-brained activity that requires scientific and mathematical ability. Better yet, a mechanic! I would have a skill that all could benefit from. But the fact is, I'm not that. And if I'm not that and I am not a writer, what am I? A loser. I have nothing to contribute to the world. I don't make a difference. I think I'll eat some worms.

Bed is sounding good right now. A warm blanket, some soft music and my bed. I am a nobody with nothing to contribute of any value and I am at the bottom of the creative food chain. Soon I will perish because the only reason I incarnated into this life was to share my humor and love. Sadly, no one wants it.

On the other hand, isn't tasteless and tacky a form of art? I mean, obviously I don't feel that my 'butt wiping' blog was content to be read at Grandmother's funeral for heaven's sake. Crude, delicious and just plain disgusting to the point where you have to laugh is exactly as I intended it. And if some of the people reading don't have a zany sense of humor, well, the hell with them because the rest of us, we love to cackle in the squalor of tacky, poop induced humor.

My worm doesn't write very well but he's telling ya'll to have some manners. And if you're going to critique someone else's writing, then use kindness and have a heart about it. All of us folks without jobs, we are sensitive and feeling vulnerable right now. What we need is encouragement and if you think we are headed in the wrong direction, suggest the one you think we should go toward. Like maybe I should try out for working the waste management toll booth.

Hang in there everyone. Don't let the unhappy folks of the world bring you down. If you have a dream, then go for it. After all, Fred Astaire was told he couldn't dance.

Cheers!

CAN YOU SAY SSSSSTRESS?

2009-12-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

Being unemployed can be stressful. I know, I know, those that are employed might respond to that statement with, "What the heck are you stressed about? And how stressful can it possibly be sleeping in every day and wandering about picking lint off of your pants?"

Well, I can guarantee all those employed folks of the world that we unemployed have our share of stress responses going on within our seemingly relaxed existence. Hopefully someone will begin to notice and take pitty on us and spoon-feed us a job. Can you see that happening? Me neither.

So what is this experience about? I for one have found endless things to keep me busy. And on top of that, as I've mentioned before, everyone else seems to think they need to keep me busy also. I don't know about you but I need a vacation from being unemployed. Working for a living sounds much more relaxing and more profitable as well.

Though I have wanted to create a new life for myself, it seems I always fall back into the same routine thought pattern of needing to hurry up and get a job; any job. Sad though it is, the economy does not look promising and living in a commune-type setting is becoming more attractive to me as the days pass. Sharing can be beautiful, right?

Does anyone out there have any ideas for a new direction we can go? How about a new industry that all of us can partake in?

Help! I am unemployed and alone and somehow it seems like no one cares and I will live under the viaduct before someone does. And at that point, they won't be able to find me because they won't know where to look! I feel like I am planning for a trip. Pack up the blankets, organize my clothes, scale down and get ready, is what goes through my mind on a daily basis. Do you have these same plans going through your head? Is it survial instinct taking over or am I simply going nuts? Uh oh. There is that word again; nuts.

Help us oh unemployment wizard! We are floundering in a cataclysm of lost faith and sheer panic! I do believe I will spin in circles until I fall down in a dizzy stupor and go to sleep. Goodnight.

HOW COME MY DOG NEVER WIPES HER BUTT?...and other ponderences of my day

2009-12-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

Seems I spend an awful lot of time lately, following my dog's butt around the park. As a result I get a first hand opportunity to study her potty habits. Armed with a pocket full of plastic doggie doo-doo bags, I take my position very seriously and document, if only in my mind, her behavior surrounding defecation.

I've become a scientist of sorts, examining fecal matter for color, form and volume. It speaks to my dog's health and as far as I can reckon so far, she's darn healthy; at least physically.

Lately though, I've wondered about my dog's spirituality. Where does she draw her strength? To what does she attribute her great love of me, her affectionate nature and her ability to live in a continual state of bliss?

Today as I prepared for my scientific expedition about the park grounds, I decided to take a closer look at my dog, her overall appearance and her specific attitudes pertaining to her time-outs for potty donations. It seems she never stops to wipe her butt after her routine dump. Why is that? I mean, I couldn't get away with that, could you?

Sometimes I sit here, in my unemployed state and I think, 'hey girl, you need to get your shit together. You need a plan and you need one now. You need to clean up your act.' But today while looking at my dog, I realized I don't have to clean up. She doesn't and look who's riding around on her butt!

Keep the faith oh fellow unemployed ones. Someone is watching over you whether you can see 'him' or not. And don't be so hard on yourself.
Just play along with your day, make a mess, don't worry about cleaning up and see what happens. It may be that the miracle you want is riding right along on your tail end, just waiting to be discovered.

(for clarification, this is not my dog's butt but a borrowed image)

I THOUGHT WE JUST HAD THANKSGIVING...??

2009-12-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

Does time speed up or do we slow down when we're unemployed? I don't know about you but I thought I just got done eating turkey. Now it's time for Christmas and I don't have my shopping done.

Speaking of which, have you noticed the crap in the stores this year? Seems when I was employed, everything was better quality. Maybe I am justifying not spending by cheapening everything in my mind so that I can stay within my budget. It's hard to say.

I became disgusted walking through the mall today. All the silly, beeping plastic toys, blinking lights and cheap jewelry kiosks. It made me sneer. Am I a grinch? I don't think so. I simply find it pathetic what the holiday season has become. A shopper's high pressured nightmare. Hurry, hurry! Buy up all the chintzy crap before someone else does!

I'd be happy sitting home with my loved ones drinking a hot chocolate and playing a game of hillbilly scrabble. Christmas has become so commercialized we don't even have time to celebrate it. We're too busy consuming so that we can unwrap our presents in a rush and be on our way. Ugh.

Let's start our own holiday. The holiday of the unemployed. No gift exchange. No time schedule. No big, fat ham for dinner. No stress. We'll cook up some grilled cheese sandwiches, put a pot of Campbells tomato soup on the stove, get out the jar of pickles and a can of Pepsi and ring in the season with a toast to simplicity. And take the time to hug each other and just 'be' in each other's presence. Enough of the over spending on crap that will be shoved in the closet or spend years under the bed until it is donated to the thrift store. It means nothing.

Love is something. Love is free. Love can be kept, given away, donated or it can be wrapped around you to keep you warm. Love is the most versatile gift you can give. And nothing compares to the love that is felt when you spend time on those you love, not money. So if you're on a budget this year, no worries. Give them your presence, and don't worry about the presents.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO BACK TO WORK!

2009-12-16T23:19:00.000-08:00

I'm too busy picking up the house and helping friends in need to go back to work! What about you?

It seems to me, being a volunteer would be a lovely way to make a living. It's too bad it doesn't send you a paycheck in the mail.

As I've mentioned before, employed or not, I seem to find plenty to fill my day. So much so that I wonder how I ever had time to 'work' for a living.

Sometimes things happen for a reason. I think my reason for being unemployed is that there are a few people out there right now that need my help.

I had considered volunteering previously but never quite got around to joining any one organization. Why? Because I can be a flake. I didn't want to let anyone down. I figured I would join and then lose interest and not want to show up. ARghh...I hate it when I am faced with those qualities in me that I would rather not acknowledge.

Somehow though, when the need is close to home, my flakes fly off into the distance and I become Steady Eddie, revved up and ready. I think we all may carry that quality to some degree. When a loved one needs you, it feels more real than someone you've never met. It's just our human nature and the way our emotions work. So I'll let myself off the hook and won't feel guilty for being human.

Are you done picking up your house? Have you organized your files, painted the kitchen and organized your closets? Do you have a friend in need? Brush off your flakey side and lend them a hand. We have time, you and I. And now is the time to give it to someone other than a corporation. Don't you think?

FEED THE BIRDS

2009-12-14T10:51:00.000-08:00

It's cold out. The birds are hungry. Take time out of your day to feed a bird. Fill your feeders with seed and if you don't have a feeder, throw the seed out the window. They'll find it.

Might I ad, that if I have to listen to my parrot quote May West one more time this morning, I am going to scream! Although I find him entertaining, at times I wonder how he can sit within the confines of his cage and repeat the same phrase over and over and over until his bird voice is hoarse.

With that in mind, are we really all that unlike my seemingly stir crazy parrot? Think about it. When employed, we get up, go through our routine of getting showered, dressed and out the door. We drive to our jobs and do the same thing, over and over and over......some of us, until our voices are plum worn out. So my observation today is that given a set of circumstances such as being locked within the confines of four walls for any given amount of time, or within the same, ritualistic routine, we all start to repeat ourselves, over and over and over....until our voices and/or our spirits are just plain worn out. I'm worn out just thinking about it.

But alas, there is 'hope.' Hope for what, you ask? Well, there's just hope. There must be, because our president says so, right? Therefore, it must be the case because within the confines of what I know, what he says, goes. Mm-hm.

Define hope. We all have our definition of what it means. So think about yours. Do you hope you will find a job within the same industry you were in before you became unemployed? Do you hope that the economy will improve so that new and different jobs will be available? Do you hope that you can finish your education before your benefits run out and you will hopefully land a position making more money than you did before? What do you hope for?

I hope that I will win the lotto so I can play in the woods all day, write song lyrics and start a blog about living free. That's what I hope for. I hope that all those who are ill become fully alive and healthy. I hope for the resiliency of the world's children. Who knows what they will have to face in their lives. I hope that love is true and not something we make up in our fantasies. I hope that the world's sheep will wake up and stand up against their governments and refuse to fight. I hope that it will snow another foot and we all will have neighborhood block parties with hot apple cider, children laughing and adults visiting. And I hope that in doing so, we all feel more alive as a result. Not exhausted from our repetitive existence, our daily rituals and the 'hope' that our lives will 'change.'

I believe that though we at times become strained through repeating our actions over and over and over, there is something within the human psyche that requires an outline of daily behavior, in order to feel fulfilled. It gives us a purpose. What I 'hope' for is that soon we will wake up and define our purpose for ourselves; not allow the confines of what we currently know, keep us within the four walls that cause us to scream uncontrollably, as my parrot, until we are hoarse.

DISCOVERY

2009-12-12T05:37:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder how the great discoverers of our time discovered their great find? What did they have in mind when they set out on their journey? Were they even on a journey to begin with?

Though being unemployed has placed me in a position to be open to discovery, I really have no idea what it will be that I discover or what form it will be in. And am I dedicated to finding out something about myself or do I even play an important role in what I am about to learn?

This week I have learned something new. If we don't have a job, so to speak, we will create one with what comes natural to us. It's not as though, as I previously thought, we have to come up with some complex business plan and develop some ingenious new idea that no one has thought of in order to create a new career for ourselves. If we just move through each day and allow it to carry us in directions that feel natural without giving it much thought, we suddenly become furiously busy! Now, for the paycheck!

My discovery (which I really already knew about myself but my day job was hiding it) is that I love the outdoors, I love to be of service to others, I love to cook for people and I love my dog. I love to write, I love to spend time with my few special friends and I love to analyze the crap out of every behavior of everyone I know. I find it thoroughly irritating on some level, why I cannot just hang loose and let it all be without dissecting everything and everyone but hey, it's who I am.

I'm not quite certain how I will create a job of the above interests. Right now, I don't really care. What matters is that I have made a discovery and that discovery is me. Yes, me. Me, me, me....all about me! After all, it is me that is unemployed, me that desires a paycheck and me that is writing this ridiculous blog.

What's your day showing you? Are you in the fear mode? Are you madly applying for jobs, scared to death your unemployment benefits will run out before you land another position? Or are you allowing yourself to run a bit wild, wandering about, letting your whims carry you through the day and responding to your environment as it tosses little hurdles in your path? It's up to you. Give it a try. Let go and trust that as a feather in the wind, you too will land upon a safe place. But not before a lovely journey floating through the discoveries locked away, hidden by that once held 'day job.'

Getting a Grip - Abundance is Yours!

2009-12-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well, today is another day and a beautiful one at that. Slumps can be a good thing when you are on the up side of climbing out of one. I liken it to being under water, out of air, and bursting up through the water, feeling the fresh oxygen rushing into my lungs. There is hope! There is air! I am alive!

Speaking of which, let's get down to the heart of our situation. Truly, being unemployed is not the worst thing that can happen. Yes, it is stressful and challenging and there is an empty void of uncertainty ahead. But if you look at life as a whole, every day is filled with uncertainty. We don't know from one minute to the next if we will even be alive. We just forget that while we get caught up in worrying about 'the little stuff.'

Looking off into the distance can become an obsession. We forget to see what is right in front of us and take each moment and savor it. Scrambling about, straining to see ahead, we worry ourselves into a frenzy. Will I have enough money to pay the heat bill? Will the sale on avacados still be going on by the time I get to the grocery store? Is my true love out there somewhere? Will my tires last another winter? Why didn't the neighbor wave back at me today?

Stop. Ask yourself what it takes to experience this life. What carries you through this physical existence where you get to drive yourself mad by letting your thoughts run you?

Your body.

You need your body so that you can continue this life experience, no matter what experience you choose to have. So then why, pray tell, are you sitting around eating junk and feeling sorry for yourself while unemployed?

Use this time to get in the best possible shape that you can. You don't have to get ready for a triathalon. Just get up and bundle up into the best cold weather clothes you can find, grab the dog or a friend or your alter-ego and head out the door! Walk! Walk and walk and walk. And while you walk, look around you. Every time you see something that is asthetically pleasing, send a thank you out to the world. Feel the muscles and tendons in your arms and legs and around your waist flexing as you walk. Breathe deep.

While sitting around the house your body is alive, but treading water isn't the same as doing a full on breast stroke. Give yourself a chance to experience something more than the mundane, the average, the O.K. And know that the healthier and more vibrant your body is, the happier and more exciting your life experience will be! If all this is too overwhelming at this point then just add a gallon of water to your daily diet. Watch what happens! You'll be amazed. Because without our health, we have nothing. And with it, we have everything!

Loneliness and Other Symptoms of Needing Employment

2009-12-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

Hanging out with the dog is getting old. Though she is a valuable friend, it would be nice to have a response in English once in a while.

Although being unemployed gives us plenty of free time to get those projects taken care of that we have put on the back burner for so long, it's sometimes difficult to get motivated with no one else there to bounce ideas off of, greet in the hallway or just hear in the background. The silence can be deafening.

Thoughts have crossed my mind as to how all of the talented unemployed people of the nation can get together and create a company of their own. And some kind soul who read this blog has mentioned it as well. If that was the case, what kind of business would we embark on? Does anyone have any ideas?

I wonder if anyone is really out there, reading this. There are a few comments now and then but sometimes I secretly wonder if it is my best friend, in her attempts to encourage me, hiding behind different screen names, dropping comments and voting now and then. I suppose the daily challenge of self-entertainment has turned me semi-psychotic and paranoid. After all, I did put mayonaise in my hair today hoping it would work as a conditioning agent.

Hopefully, the sunshine will last and I won't die a slow, painful, unemployed death of light deprivation. Living in the Northwest can be devastatingly depressing in the winter months. And I have made a strong effort to gain access to the light, every chance I get, and take the pooch out for a walk-jog-gasp for breath-stroll in the daytime hours.

With no words of encouragement, I am bloggette failure tonight, off to the couch to watch a rented movie, wish I had a nice warm meal in front of me that I am too lazy to cook and wonder if anyone else feels as isolated as I.

Doom and Gloom............................Hurray for Unemployment...Somebody Save Me!

My Dog Stinks and Other Issues of the Day

2009-12-01T18:23:00.000-08:00

One thing that is noticeable about not being employed is that we still find things to fill our day right up until the time we go to bed.

Dog walking has become a favorite past time of mine and I do it whether I want to or not. Why? Because I am held accountable by the nibbling on my leg if it doesn't occur on time. Thinking that today was going to be relaxing and slow, I meandered to the riverfront with the pupparoo and jogged and walked along the trail. Knowing that I can not keep up with a 20+ mile per hour sled dog, I released her from her leash and let her run wild.

Dogs are sneaky.

I watched my stunning pet run to and fro and found myself narrating her behaviors. "Ahhh...what a beautiful day! Upf! Yee-hee, there goes a squirrel! I'm running, I'm running...ah! Got an itch. (scratch, scratch, scratch) Mmmmm...what's that? Smells nifty! Oh! Bowzer was here! From the smell of it, he was just here seconds ago! Better squat and pee so he knows I said 'hi.' Oh, oh...oh God, I've gotta poop. Yep, nope, yep, this looks like a good spot. Ahhh...much better..there's a bird! Oh..where's Mom..oh there she is...OH my Gosh! I know what that is...I smell it...yes I do. Uh huh... A dead fish! I have been wanting one of those! Where is it? Where is it?? I can smell it...OH! There it is. (roll, roll, roll) Oh the scent! It is simply divine! Ah..more, more! Ooooo...oooo...yee hee! I wanna run now. Yup, I wanna run. I smell like a fish! Run, run, run! The breeze is fishy and I'm fishy and I am so happ.......Uh oh. Mom looks very unhappy. Yikes...better cower. Not sure what I've done...uh oh...oh no...wow, she's pissed. She is not speaking well of me right now..............."

Today I was thinking I could learn from my dog. They are so spontaneous and lively. If they feel like doing something, they just do it. They don't wonder if they can, they don't question their abilities. They don't worry about what other dogs will think if they try something. They just do it. And they love themselves and everyone around them while they are doing what they do. They live entirely in the moment.

Which leads me to the moments leading to hours that I spent scrubbing this dog today in my attempts to remove the foul odor that she finds to be so delectable. Bottles of vinegar, perfume, shampoo, conditioner and peppermint oil later...she still stinks! The added fragrance has her turning her nose up and rolling on the carpet in her attempts to uncover once again, an odor she enjoys. To each their own. You can't please everyone. Today she and I have both been successful at creating environments that the other does not like. Oddly, we are still in adoration of one another.

So if you find yourself wanting to roll in something new that everyone else says is a stinky idea, think about whether it makes you happy. If it does, then roll away. Try your new direction, roll in the stink, enjoy yourself and don't worry about anyone else. My dog doesn't and I still love her. So if you decide to put a halt to applying for office jobs or executive positions and the scent of being a sewer plant worker is calling your name, then do it! Who cares? We all love you no matter what and if you're happy we'll adjust.

Thanksgiving Turkeys

2009-11-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

Skating through the holidays without frustration and argument can be worthy of an award. One that I am not worthy of, by the way. Thanksgiving brings on the question of where do we go, who do we invite, what shall we eat and what about Aunt Francis? And last but not least, HOW are we going to put up with sister-in-law Sue, the know-it-all.

Honestly, I find the holidays to be rather pathetic. What has it come to? A family that rarely gets together any other time of year is required to suffer through a meal at the same table and pretend to be happy about it. I'm no Eor but what has occurred as a result of what's his name having a sit down meal with the pilgrims just doesn't cut it. We are now required to bring flowers, food and gather on this one day each year and 'gobble' all that is put in front of us; all the while hoping that no one breaks out into a knock down drag out. And did someone mention gluttony? How many Americans can you count on one hand that could use another helping of greasy gravy over mashed potatoes? We make me sick.

Though our country is going through an 'economic crisis' and there are so many unemployed and sadly, people living on the streets, for the most part, those of us who sat down to our traditional dinner have more than anyone could ever hope for and more. So we celebrate it by shoving more food down our throats. Love it, LOVE it! ARghhhh...why weren't we feeding the ones that don't have anything to be thankful for? I am as guilty as all.

All in all, Thanksgiving and the holidays can be a lot of fun. We all love our families and our spouses, children and significant others and fixing a big feast for the people we love can be exciting.

And though each family has its turkey or two, when times get tough we know that we'll all gather together in a flock and do our part to help one another.

So while your cleaning up the Thanksgiving dinner and straightening the mess in the house from all the relatives, or if you're just returning home and are thanking God that you live alone, remember that EVERY day can be Thanksgiving no matter where you live, who you are or what turkeys you have to interact with on a daily basis.

Let's get back to basics. Many of us already have. The holidays are meant for sharing time, love and attention with our loved ones, not over-eating, fighting with our families and running ourselves into debt. Be smart this holiday, think simple, think love and think 'thank you.'

CAPTIVES

2009-11-20T14:06:00.001-08:00

Trapped in our heads, the chaos ensues. The circular, merry-go-round running faster and faster in an impetuous burst of confined, blinded mastery; the naive soul sinks to despair.

Lost without the daily torment of rituals ingrained, we find a superficial solace in activities outside of ourselves, in physical pleasures and in mind numbing substance and food.

Where is the relief? Our rituals are what have kept us sane, are they not? Or are we living in the only state we know? Hypnosis. Like birds in a pet shop, when the long awaited cage door opens, we gingerly step outside, thrilled to embrace the exhilaration of freedom from our confines. But upon testing the emptiness we become disoriented and frightened, craving the four walls that have held us within a predictable existence from the beginning of time. And though those walls are covered with scales and cold to the touch, they are familiar, there is no guessing about our limitations, which are many, and we rely on them to keep us safe. Safe from what? The frightening world that they promise us if we dare to step outside their bounds. We hunker down at the bottom of our safe havens, mouths wide open like a huddle of hungry chicks, begging to be fed something of sustenance, questioning not the value of what we ravenously ingest. The proverbial tray of food that slides through the bars on a daily basis is comfortable, laden with mind numbing chemicals and additives leaving us in a perfectly prepared state, open to the suggestions we so hope will rescue us from our demise. We are taught to parrot our zookeepers and repeat back what is fed us, over and over and over; parroting is a sign of great ability, is it not? And while we parrot, we train our minds; to accept, to believe, to protect our food and...... to follow.

Torment is of the dark. Sadness and fear feed the dark. Belief systems create limitation. With love and light, darkness cannot reside. There is no limitation to creation and creation is 'God' and 'God' is light.

Are you parroting what you are told? Are you taking it in, believing it because you have been 'told' the source is credible? Are you taking part in rituals, afraid to embrace the truth or not knowing how? Do you ever question the source of what you follow, research the source, experience the source for yourself before succumbing to the broadcast of 'information?' Do you climb outside of your cage, take a step back and give objective observation a chance?

Your mind is tuned to the frequency that it has been taught to zero in on from the beginning of your 'life' on this earth. Do you truly believe that sports, reality shows and control-based ritual is what you are meant to live? Is setting the alarm every day and getting out of bed to go to work so that you can support the Elite of the world what you came here to do? Is military involvement 'defending your country?' Says who? Someone who has been telling you, over and over and over. They hope you believe. They know with enough repetition you will because your mind will be imprinted within a short period of time. What is being fed to you by the Elite and everything they own and run? .....there is no escaping your cage......unless you see that the door is open and you decide to step outside of this far-fetched reality.

Abundance Is Yours For The Taking

Free Your Mind

Let go. Jump. Consider yourself free and you will be. You were not meant to reside inside a cage of limitation, a prisoner of war; internal war inside of your body's mind. Seek the quiet and know that what resides inside of you is what you invite. We are nothing but energy. Energy that our minds decode. With that said, choose to decode your surroundings to suit your desires and your dreams and with love....and you will be met by the visitation of the light. Because with the light, there can be no darkness. Love is all there is.

Read up. Read about the Queens of this world. Read about those that run Our government. Read about the media. Read about our health organization. Why do those that run this world all come from the same family bloodline? Why? Who, or is it WHAT runs this world? Dare to ask and dare to know.

Be Free. You Were Meant To Be.

Run Forrest, Run!

2009-11-19T16:25:00.000-08:00

Do you ever look at all your problems and find yourself feeling as though you would like to escape? Does running out the door and not looking back sound like the relief you're looking for? Or maybe escaping isn't your idea of relief. Maybe the unknown that is waiting outside the door is just too scary. Scarier than the problem you are facing.

Then you could possibly be a sweeper. What's a sweeper, you ask? A sweeper generally picks up the edge of the throw rug and sweeps all the undesirable matter underneath it, then gently replaces the rug. Dusting off their hands, the sweeper feels as though the issue has been resolved. It is not within plain sight, therefore it does not exist. Ahhh. The sweeper feels better now because even looking at the problem is too painful.

Then there are the action figures. Action figures see the problem and immediately leap upon them, fearlessly tackling them to the ground, pummeling them to the point where they are no longer recognizable; mere fragments of what they once were. Action figures want things resolved, once and for all. No B.S. No long, drawn out hassles. Just get 'er done!

Last but not least, there are the ice sculptures. Though ice sculptures are interesting to look at, they generally do nothing to generate even the slightest relief from the pain resulting from an uncomfortable issue. Frozen, scared and unable to move, the ice sculpture simply stands perfectly still, believing that if they can just continue to look good to everyone else, no one will notice they are melting from the heat of their pain. Don't move and maybe it will just go away.

Everyone has a way of dealing with the uncomfortable situations they are faced with in life. Some methods are more efficient than others. Some take care of the problem for the short term, others for the long term. But every method has its place.

Which is your chosen method? Are you looking for a short term fix or a long term solution that will free you from this problem once and for all?

So step one: Examine the issue. Come on all you ice sculptures! It's not as bad as you think. Just take a quick glance.
Step two: Examine the roles that are available to you and the outcome that will occur as a result of playing each one. What do you want the end of the story to look like?
Step three: Pick your character and go to work!

Now relax and enjoy the outcome of your chosen role in your life. And hold yourself accountable if upon experiencing the outcome your life story is not unfolding the way you would have it.

Feeling Kind of Down? Maybe We're Not Good Enough........

2009-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes going in a different direction can bring on feelings of apprehension and uncertainty. An idea wrapped in enthusiasm and excitement can lose its initial glow, flickering down to a minute pile of glowing embers, tucked away in the corner of our minds. Our attitude can spiral down till all we can see in front of us is the ground.

Today I was meandering around, painting walls and cleaning a few cupboards, not too enthused about anything much. I decided to check my email and upon opening one in particular I found a message from a friend. Not just any friend, mind you, but a life long friend. Her message indicated that she was struggling through her work day, reaching for something to give her the strength to continue on; my daily (which has become not so daily) blog. I got a visual of her crawling through the desert, clawing at the air, handfuls of sand trickling from her sun-burned fingers, a look of desperation on her flushed face. She stated she could not go on any further without reading the message of my daily blog, of which I had not yet written.

I haven't written in a few days. My enthusiasm took a down turn and I doubted my ability; my ability to write, my ability to entertain and my ability to inspire. So I had just let my ideas burn down into a small pile of embers in my mind, glowing a bit but certainly not lighting me up. Not my usual perky self, I had been feeling a bit down. Because as far as I am concerned and to my knowledge, my musings are not changing anyone's life for the better.

We all need inspiration once in a while. Even those of us who are working to inspire others. Feeling down can be a real drag. When you're moving in a new direction in life, having a day of the sags can really be frightening. The doubts that fill your mind can be overwhelming. "Maybe I'm past my prime. Maybe there's no hope for me. Maybe I never had it to begin with. Maybe I should just conform again. Because maybe no one will like what I do."

Though my friend would support and encourage anything I decided to embark on, crazy or not, my doubts perked up and lifted when I saw her email. Someone needs me! I make a difference! I communicate, I inspire! Looking straight ahead and seeing nothing but my dream, I rushed to complete my domestic tasks and dog-walking so that I could plant myself at the computer and do what I love; write!

So when you don't think you can make it even one more step in the direction you are moving and everything seems a dull, lifeless shade of poi, remember: Whatever your purpose, keep feeling it in your heart. It is the sensations from living our goals, not achieving them, that brings us life.

And though it may seem like what you do doesn't make a difference, think again. Someone out there is relying on you to fulfill their day.

"If it Flies, Floats or F***s ....Rent It"

2009-11-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

" I'VE GOT YOU LIL' JIMMY. YOU'RE OK. "
....pant, pant, pant..."OH CUPCAKE, HELP ME! I'M SO SCARED!"



Do you ever wonder about the people you went to high school with? Do you ever wonder where they are, what they are doing and whether they're happy and having a great life?

Sometimes people evolve into greatness, personal greatness. Why? Because of the paths they choose. Do you think it is the best schools, the best clothes, the best exercise program and the best cars along with the best bank    account that brings that greatness? Well think again. Greatness is what you choose to be, above and beyond what your mind decodes as success. It is the attitude you develop because of and in spite of how your brain interprets your life experiences. Wealth measured by material gain is temporary and physical. It says nothing for who you are.

Stand up and place your hands in your pockets. Who are you today? What do you stand for? Now hold out your hand and place a stack of greenbacks in it and squeeze tight. Who are you now?

Might you be the same individual who stood up just moments ago, empty handed? We come into this world empty handed. We will go out the same. What we develop while we are here is what we will leave with. The development of our spirit.

How much love can you handle? Some of us, not much. So we bury ourselves in what we call our 'work.' Sadly, fear-based thinking keeps love at bay and invites misery stacked upon sadness, often times coupled with hatred. And then we strike out due to the fear; fear of pain, fear of rejection, fear we may feel the way we chose to feel once before. And typically, this will perpetuate itself over and over again because we have programmed ourselves to react to what is outside of us as something of an enemy, not to mention our reality. Peering out from the black veil of protection, so scared we can't take positive action, we remain lifeless and dull, wearing the false face of worldly success.

Life can be beautiful. Life can be filled with love. Life can be exhilarating. But life, your life, is what you make it. It is what you choose to interpret. It is how you program your mind, which is merely a computer, to accept information as either safe to download or as a threat to your system.

Fear based thinking keeps people from loving relationships, from experiencing joy and from the union of two people sharing their lives. Fear comes from our wounds and our wounds come from how we interpret what happens outside of us.

So next time you view a man as a macho pig when he incessantly makes verbal assaults on the opposite sex, stating it's better to rent than buy something that flies, floats or f***s, (hence openly admitting that for him a woman, like a boat, is not only his penis extension but his flotation device, protecting him from the elements he can't bear on his own) because he fears she will find out he is not good enough, hence pull the plug, leaving him to drown and take some of their mutual worldly possessions (crap that burdens him).......or you see a woman as too much of a feminist because she will not allow a man to open her door because that will scream to the world that she is weak and incapable, question yourself and your own perceptions.

Make the choice to see them as the beautiful souls that they are, interconnected with you and all other living things. And know that they have simply made a choice, at this point in their life path, to have the experience of allowing themselves to be infected with a virus of sorts. One that will continue to eat away at them, providing the misery they are programmed to expect, creating a life stage of jaded illusion and an eternal black hole of emotional need within their hearts.... until they accept that we are all one; all from love and all returning to love, together.

It's Dark and Rainy...I Don't Wanna Go Out There.....

2009-11-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

..... I'm warm, comfortable and reading a good book. The dog is wrapped around me keeping the chill off and the house is peaceful. Why would anyone in their right mind want to go outside on a cold, rainy November day when they can have comfort, warmth, a book and a dog?

Honestly, it's rather depressing knowing that I can't go outside. On the other hand, I'm too tired, I'm not motivated and I just want to sit and read and snack on 'stuff' all day. What's wrong with that? Nothing really, except that I have no energy whatsoever. This is a good reason to sit on my butt. I can't go anywhere because I just don't have the energy. Heavy sigh....yawn...I think I'll wander into the bathroom and at least take a shower.

Holy cryin' out loud! Who's that? Another heavy sigh and the realization that it is me, myself and I that I see in the mirror looking back at moi. Art is a beautiful thing but becoming 'art' is not my goal in life. Guess what? The shower is going to happen quickly because nature calls and I don't mean the toilet. Time to get outside and attach myself to this dog for another drag around the park trails.

So I bundle up and grab the leash. The dog, by the way, is ecstatic. She doesn't care if it's -20 out there, she is a bowl full of enthusiasm. Blech. It's sloppy, wet and just plain ugly out. Here we go. Slop, slop, slop, out to the car. Of course there has to be a few mad rushes through puddles before my lovely creature decides she will jump onto the front seat. Whatever. My car has become the dog-mobile and I have accepted that fact after much kicking and screaming with each episode of irrepairable damage. Ugh. Where are we going? I end up on a drive through the country. Bless my canine's heart, she is thrilled to have some new scenery and of course the opportunity to howl at cows.

After some time we end up back where we started and drive to one of the lovely city parks for an afternoon of squirrel chasing. I utilize her sled-dog pulling abilities and mush her up a steep hill through the woods. She decides to stop and come back toward me, half way up, sending me spinning round the flimsy branch I caught just in time to keep myself from literally falling back and rolling down the hill. After much scrambling and laughter I encourage her to try again and up we go, to the top. My heart is in my throat and I release the leash, allowing her to be free while I stagger along wheezing. She embarks on an hour of mad dashes toward everything and anything that moves in her path, including many startled squirrels.

Just because it's raining cats and dogs doesn't mean you will be bombarded by a plethora of claws and tails.

Soon I have forgotten how slovenly I was feeling earlier and I am jogging through the paths and gingerly tip-toeing through the tree roots. Still, I reminisce of being a semi-flat chested 18 year old, with no additional body fat, running at top speed through the trees. Alas, the jolt of my breasts, hitting bottom before they rise again in their attempt to meet the sky, brings me back to my current reality. Life in the woods is challenging when you're carting around the daily reminder of what you have sucked through your lips in the past 8 years. I feel as though there is a 30 pound slinky riding up and down my mid-section as I struggle to become remotely airborne. And did I mention my ankles and how they threaten to collapse each time my feet make contact with the earth? Upon my body's descent from what feels like a fall from the heavens the impact is excruciating. Why so many little, fragile bones in the feet and ankles? I will leave that for another day of musing.

When have I ever allowed anything to get in my way when I have set out to do something that I was determined to accomplish? I haven't. In fact, a couple of years back, before knowing I was severely anemic, I, bound and determined to see a mountain goat, up close and personal, hiked 5 miles straight up to the top of Alpine Lookout and 5 miles straight back down. Was it challenging? Sure. In fact I can remember gasping for breath to the point of being over wrought with emotion, feeling the surge of tears welling up inside of me. Knowing now that my body was not able to carry the oxygen that it needed, it all makes sense. But at the time, I was rather irritated and embarrassed that I was having a difficult time ascending the trail. But, I kept going. I was going to make it to the top of that mountain come hell or high water; and I did. Might I ad, my mountain goat was there to greet me and we had ourselves an up close and personal little chat.

You too, I can imagine, have brought to reality many of the dreams you've created. And without allowing anything to stop you. So why sit inside on a crappy day just because it is raining? The woods were lovely today. The scent of the earth and the crispness of the wind was exhilerating. The joy I felt watching my dog run maniacally about the trails was unmatched. And the rush of fresh air into my lungs accompanied by my pounding heart and the blood swimming through my body made me feel alive again; refreshed, enthused and happy to be on the planet. I also felt a sense of accomplishment. I jogged my body around and hopefully scared off some of that additional, complacent 'self' I have accumulated over the years.

So get up! Move around and stop letting the onset of winter bring you down. It IS cold out there. Corporate America was cold too. But you got up and did it every day. How did you survive it? You prepared. You dressed appropriately for the conditions and you didn't let the little stuff get in your way. You still have the strength to achieve your goals today. Being employed by an entity doesn't make you successful. But employing yourself and giving yourself the push you need to accomplish your own goals is what success is truly about. It's about feeling it; in the air, in the blood cursing through your veins and in your heart. Being alive can be magnificent. IF you choose to live.

Global Warming? Not Where I Live

2009-11-04T10:51:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you but the cool air has arrived in my town. Just a few more preparations and home is ready for the ongoing chill of winter.

The onset of winter has always been a time to bring out the indoor projects. Whether it be redecorating a room, writing that long dreamed of novel or just cuddling up by the fire to watch a few movies, winter can be a time of reflection and planning. As well as a time to live in the moment with our loved ones.

Being locked in the house together can disturb the complacency of the daily rush through our professional lives and the activities of those who choose to stay busy while unemployed. Issues that have been set aside for discussion on a rainy day, well, it's high time they are discussed and resolved. Otherwise winter is going to be longer than we anticipated.

Getting the cold shoulder can be much more difficult to endure than the chill of the winds of winter. The protection of a warm coat and a wool scarf can repel the elements and make a walk through the snow inviting and enjoyable. There is, however, no protection from the cold bite of the air when there is tension between those who cohabitate. Walking into a room can be devastating to the soul if warmth and shared love does not abound.

So in preparation for winter, let's drag out the sewing projects, gather together the notes we have saved to write those novels and pick out paint colors for the new decorating project. But first, let's hold up one finger and test the domestic air current in our homes. Is it a warm breeze? A few gusts of cool air followed by a lovely el nino or is it icy gale force winds accompanied by a small craft warning? Let's assess the domestic atmosphere and prepare by cleaning things up together. Let's toss out those old attitudes and matted down misunderstandings that we don't need and prepare our nests with additional love so that hunkering down together this winter is filled with warmth and joy.

Slumps

2009-11-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

Being in a slump can really suck your energy. I have found this to be true since I have been off work. I can find all kinds of reasons for just a few more winks of sleep, just one more bite of cake, or just a few more minutes of relaxing on the couch. It's too early, it's too dark, it's too cold, it's too late, it's too soon, it's not the right time, it's too boring, I'm too tired, I will do it tomorrow, I deserve to rest, I don't WANNA!

Heavy sigh. I think I'll have another cup of hot chocolate and contemplate my fat rolls. I wonder when I will get up the gumption to do more exercise than walking the dog and relying on her to pull me up the hills. I wonder how many marshmallows are in each packet of chocolate. I wonder how many more leaves will fall into the yard. I wonder if the job market will ever pick up. I wonder if I'll ever feel motivated to recover that couch I bought. I wonder if I should get up and wind the clock. I wonder. Sluuuuurp. Ahhhhhh. I wonder if anyone would notice if I sat in bed and watched TV, read and napped all day. I wonder if I would feel guilty if I did.

Reading the latest on Facebook, I found a friend online. We discussed lunch this week and then determined through much chatter, that we could combine lunch with cleaning her outdoor sheds and straightening up her back deck, in preparation for winter. She too, is in a slump and needs someone to help her get motivated.

What a wonderful day we had. Screaming at spiders, throwing away junk, sweeping clods of dirt and organizing garden tools. We squealed at webs, jumped sideways at bugs, laughed at our fears and got the job done. When you have a friend there to chat with, the idea of getting things cleaned up becomes exciting and you become filled with newly found energy. The burden of guilt, procrastination and self-beatings come to a cheerful hault and you are encompassed in a buzz of vibrancy.

Staying in a slump is a heavy load for the body to bear. The lowered energy that results from thoughts that give us reasons not to do the things that we really want to do can spiral us down into a catatonic state of stoic inability to lift our head off the pillow.

If you find yourself in an unemployed state of rigamortis, gather up the strength to call a friend. Inquire as to what they need help with. Insist on providing the assistance they need to get that job done that they have been putting aside. Set a time and jump out of bed and rush to their assistance. Ask them lots of questions and watch the rust leave their brain and listen for the chatter of ideas that start flowing from their mouths as they take physical action toward their goal. Feel your inner burners fire up and send you into non-stop action, accompanying them along their path to a successful day. Your own projects will come to the forefront of your mind and you won't be able to wait to get home so that you can tackle your own pile of discarded to-dos. Relish the feeling of being fully alive.

If this is too overwhelming for you, your head feels glued to the pillow and you cannot find the strength to offer a friend help, pick up the phone and call them anyway. And ask for a hand up. It's OK. That's what friends are for. We are there for one another, through thick and thin, good and bad. Friendship. It's a beautiful thing.

Reflecting Back

2009-10-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

This week I busied myself with tidiness. It feels good to have time to take on the part of an anal retentive, go through files, clean off my desk, look at insurance documents, analyze my finances and just get things cleaned up and orderly. Once the clutter has been removed and everything is somewhere that I can actually find it, my mind has nothing else to keep it clogged. I find this refreshing.

On the other hand, it has been painful. I am now free to think about what is in my heart. All these years I have been jumping from rock to rock, surviving. Getting ahead financially, making certain I invest, growing my portfolio so I can retire and have a free and clear roof over my head. It seems I have barely been able to keep up. Run, run, run. I'm late, I'm early, the bills are due, I have to go to that birthday party, the car needs new tires, crap another bill, it's the weekend I have to do the wash, it's Christmas again! It seems I have never looked up really. I've just continued on that wheel and everything has been in such a clutter, my heart hasn't been able to see its way out of the mess to know what it truly feels. And on the occasions when it has peered out from under the veil of big business, it has buried its head again, because honestly, it didn't see a way out.

Well, last night as I sat on the couch enjoying the wind storm, I became a little sad. I was reflecting back on some paperwork I had uncovered earlier in the day. It was an interest assessment test I had taken back when I graduated from high school. Sadly, I looked back on the path I have taken over the years due to what I saw as necessity. Security in the financial arena is what makes me feel safe and calm. So I took civil service jobs, sales jobs, management jobs, and an advertising executive job.

My assessment test told me I am a musician and an artist and a performer and lover of nature. Through and through, I want to create and love being outdoors to this day. Funny, we never really change.

I have been successful at any job I have ever taken on; most of which I didn't care for much. I wonder how successful I could be if I actually did something I enjoyed. It's almost frightening to think about. And sad because I feel I have lost so many years that could have been applied to what I love. Think how my heart might have sung all these years! Now middle-aged, I sit in a pool of regret to some degree.

But wait! It is what I have done and what I have experienced that has made me who I am today. I may not have gained the confidence and the drive that I currently possess if I hadn't developed the left side of my brain to the degree that I have. I have created some balance! So the first several years of my professional life have been dedicated to becoming aware of my thinking side and learning how to use it. Now from here forward, it is smooth sailing, right? I can dedicate myself to what my heart desires and not be so concerned about my nest egg. I can create what I want and have the business savvy to market it. At this age, it may be a stretch but lots of people start new adventures well into their senior years. Why not?

I find getting older gives me a certain sense of inner peace anyway. I no longer care if anyone likes my outfit, my hair or what they are thinking of me as I walk across the room. In fact, if I bring about negative comments from onlookers, I am humored and am glad I am interesting enough to take notice of. I know the jokes on them, not me. More often, I am able to just laugh along with them.

So from here forward, I'm taking this confidence and life experience and I am focusing it on a different path. A path that my heart chooses, one that makes it sing and one that I know I was born to walk on. To hell with convention, to hell with living the American dream (whatever that is...what IS it anyway?). I'm going to live MY dream and love the life I am creating!

This Blog Dedicated To Health

2009-10-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

Please read this entire article before you choose to get a vaccine.

http://www.davidicke.com/content/view/25191

Reaching for the Top?

2009-10-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

First I must add a disclaimer in view of my previous post. Upon given the challenge, by a friend, to use the word 'porcupine' in my post, I developed a story around it. With that said, please be aware that my general state of mind these days is not reflecting back on topics that might bring forth feelings of negativity. If my mind does wander in that direction, it is up to me to reverse the way I feel about that particular event or at the very least find some positive personal outcome from the experience.

As a result of the experiences I have had, and the fact that I am unemployed, I am able find things swirling about my head on a daily basis that I think you might enjoy knowing about. I am reaching higher, taking chances and daring to speak out where others may be offended. Knowing that I am free to write and speak out as I choose, provides the feeling none less than that of being at the top of a mountain after a day's climb. I hope soon I will catch my breath and be as accomplished as one who can yell and hear their voice echo back.

Exercise is good, whether it be in a vocation or a physical sense. What you use daily, becomes conditioned and asks to be challenged yet further. My daily walks on trails and through parks have evolved into walks with intermittent short jogs; very short, I might ad. I don't reach for a goal when I am out there or even when I think of being out there. I just get out there. What comes to me while I am in nature is the inspiration to jog a few steps. After doing so, I realize that I have just moved closer to my goal without the outcome in the forefront of my mind. Movement in any direction is movement and carries with it, life. Lack of movement equals death. Death of the mind, death of the body, death of one's dream. If you are moving, with your dream in mind, you cannot help but get closer to the end goal. Once out there you will find that it is not the end goal that brings forth the bliss. It is being out there and feeling the movement of your goal come to life within you.

Place your easy chair in front of the biggest window you can find. Open the curtains. Take a good long look at the mountain out there and dream. If you must sit there for several days, so be it. It's your dream. Do what you want with it. Without worrying about what gear to take or how many days you will be gone, just open the front door one day. You don't have to go out there. Just open the door. Feel the cool air come in and brush against your face. Feel the invitation from your dream. Now go back and sit in your chair and think about how that kiss felt against your cheek. Hopefully the temptation will be overwhelming. And next time you get up and open that door, you will step outside and let the wind carry you away.

Goals and dreams don't have to be difficult to obtain. Why would we want them if it is painful to experience them? The process of acquiring the end result should feel exciting, calming and thrilling all wrapped up in one delightful afternoon walk through the park with the mountain coming closer into view with each step.

Do You Ever Miss Your Old Manager?

2009-10-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I reminisce about my days at said corporation. Honestly, I made some wonderful friends there. In fact, I found myself surrounded in a lot of like-minded people who were successful enough in their own minds that my confident, outspoken nature didn't intimidate them as it has many past co-workers. In fact, they liked it, were humored by it and loved my light-hearted satire. Most often they joined in. It was a wonderful crowd. We had some great times and kept each other going on the illusory corporate hamster wheel of fortune.

At one point we named our unit 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest' and gave each of us a character in the movie. We had a good time with that for a while. Now and then we'd all get together after a meeting and just get stoned drunk and have some laughs. One night we all partied at the beach house owned by a gentleman in our unit. We had a lovely dinner, drank wine, had a few shots of tequila and God knows what else. We ended up flopped out on the floor in front of the fire, all 5 or 6 of us, out cold until morning. It was like being back in high school. Yes, we had some great times.

Today, a few of the same folks still work at the same company. I hear the going is really rough and the management has become utterly intolerable in their inhumane expectations of 'corporate compliance.' Following the business model, to the T, is not the goal, it is the requirement; even if it is ridiculously unattainable.

If I think of the moments I didn't like while at said company, I would say that being hammered to perform beyond human ability is one that stands out the most. The second would be the chilly, sideways glances if you dared to challenge the program with yet possibly a better solution. If I didn't know better, I would swear that upper management had the ability to do the reptilian shapeshift routine but rather than shift into lizards they would evolve into porcupines, quills standing at attention, threatening to puncture your body with a hundred painful barbs if you so much as breathed anything but the scent of greenbacks coming in the door.

Those are the memories I prefer to leave behind while keeping all the friendships I made in the forefront. Something good comes from every experience in life no matter how bad things may look at the time.

Today as I was walking my dog through the park and watching her chase squirrels, I glanced up through the massive evergreens and felt my heart swim in warmth. The birds were singing and the autumn leaves were swirling through the air as they cascaded to the ground. I was truly at peace and content; so appreciative of the afternoons I am able to spend in the park, so thankful for my fun-loving dog and utterly pleased to be breathing the spicy fall air! But honestly, what I am most thankful for these days, is that getting up in the morning is for the purpose of living MY life, not stuffing the pockets of some talking head CEO and all of his greedy VP pricks!

Tune in tomorrow and I'll tell ya how I REALLY feel!

Living My Dream

2009-10-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream I was back at work. My attitude and focus were entirely different than when I was actually working for a living. I was dressed very casually, my hair was wet and in a towel, I wore no makeup and my focus was on nothing. I was just existing, calm, comfortable, with no clock ticking away in my head and no emotional reactions. I was just peaceful and aware.

I was at a convention center and was to attend a meeting in a conference room there. I wandered into one of the rooms where someone was giving a presentation. Wondering if I was in the correct room, I found I was a bit disoriented but not in the least bit apprehensive or nervous. I couldn't make up my mind which chair I wanted to sit in so I just decided I would go back out into the hallway. At that point I saw a woman friend I wanted to visit with so we sat down at a small table out in the foyer and chatted for quite some time. Everyone around us was stopping by and telling us that the introductory meetings were over and now we were supposed to progress up the stairs to the first training meeting of the day. I didn't care. I simply kept chatting with my friend. She mentioned, a few times, that we should probably get going but then we would dive deeper into our conversation. I ordered some sort of drink with an orange slice in it and simply lived in the moment, enjoying my friend and sipping my lovely little cocktail. Finally, she decided she really had to get to class and got up and left me. I figured I should probably go too. I knew that this training class was almost over and that we had chatted through most of it. Again, I didn't care and had no anxiety over it.

I stopped off at the bathroom before my journey to the training room and while washing my hands I noticed my hair was still in a towel. I took the towel off and my hair had dried in a funky style with a huge cowlick in the back. What to do? Ho-hum. I spent several minutes surveying my hair in the mirror.

At that point, the hallways became flooded with the sound of chatter and the door to the bathroom opened and many women came in. Training class was over. I didn't care nor did I have any feelings about it one way or the other. I was busy fixing my hair.

While employed, in real life, I found myself wishing for days where I could just do whatever I wanted, dress casually at work and totally flake out on going to any of the meetings. Unfortunately, my military, mind-controlled existence had me in a state of constant compliance, my nerves sending messages for yet more adrenalin bursts every time I even had a thought of stepping outside the boundary lines of corporate expectation. I would dream of being in a state of pure consciousness, reach for the place of bliss and hope that I could catch even just a moment of its sensation. But my mind, though out of breath and gasping for spiritual oxygen, would just run faster and faster on the illusory hamster wheel, its left-brain knowing full well that doom was just one step away if I faltered.

Many months ago, though I only had dreamed of what bliss might feel like, I did what any unruly, worn out hamster might do; I leaped from my wheel into the unknown. Today I awaken and I wander about the house with my hair in a towel, no makeup and casual clothes. When I review the schedule of events for the day; the errands, the chores, the job hunt and the blogs, I mix them up a bit. There is no schedule. I walk the dog, stop to take in deep breaths of fresh, non-recycled air, feel the beauty of the fall leaves in my heart and just live in a state of bliss. When I come home from the walk, I might pick up the rake and build a few piles of leaves on the grass. In fact, I found myself still raking long after sun down last night. I do what I feel at any given moment. I let my current experience dictate my actions. Yes, I have become what our modern world might consider to be a genuine flake. Hence no blog when I am too busy examining my hair in the mirror or drinking a silly orange-laced cocktail and chatting with a friend. Or if I just have nothing to say. Yesterday I had nothing to say. I was just too busy existing and experiencing and being what many hamsters might think of as a flake. Happy wheel running, ya'll!

What Was Your Image In the Office?

2009-10-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm going to reinvent my image.

While working at said company, I believe my image was conservative, friendly, honest and driven with a twist of raving bitch that would hiss through clenched teeth when a co-worker flapped their gums one too many times in my direction. So overall, I think I was pretty approachable.

These days I am left to spend large amounts of time alone with only my dog to observe me. And she really doesn't care what my image is. But I think I do. Or at the very least, I think I want to. So today I am going to reinvent how the world sees me.

Rather than be the blond, blue-eyed, innocent faced, non-threatening gal that most people see me as, I think I will evolve into the vixen. Why not paint my eyes dark, color my lips to give the illusion of exaggerated fullness and peer out from under a veil of sinister illusion? I will then go apply to be a waitress at a tavern and speak to no one but my customers. And only when I take their drink order. I will be mysterious and deep, intriguing and aloof. Everyone will stare at me, the women will hate me and the men will fantasize about me. I will take on a strut and swing my hips to and fro, swishing past all and leaving a scent of musky perfume that leaves every male's head spinning. The air will vibrate with the muted screams of sex and old women will hold their hands to their hearts, their mouths open, aghast. Old men, will chuckle and tap their canes, and reminisce of their younger days. I will be the subject of teenage boy's dares and the envy of pre-teen girls. The talk of the town, I will become the harlot that wives fear. Whilst in a crowd, I will lick my lips slowly and never turn my head. My eyes will survey my surroundings, looking each individual up and down in detail. Rooms will go silent when I come through the door and the crowds will step back and part to allow me past.

And I will live in a small pink house, with black roses climbing the fence. The shimmering, tattered curtains will blow from the windows every season of the year and the crows will perch upon my roof and holler. I will aerate the lawn with my stillettos, throw seed to the birds while wearing a see-through nightgown and water the flower garden in the nude. There will be days when I will emerge from the front door, my hair teased straight up, my bra on backward and my underwear swinging from my arm. People will turn their heads and rush their children past.

The whole town will be famous for me. Tourists will come from near and from far to get a glimpse. The town's people will erect an admission booth at the top of my street and cars will come by in steady streams from all over the world. The economy will thrive and all will be fed and all will be good.

And I will be happy, inside my own existence with no rules, no questions, no rights and no wrongs, in a state of total acceptance and bliss.

If only we all could just be who we are. The world might just adjust and everything might come into balance and harmony. Including the atmosphere of the corporate office.

So Much For Pretending To Be A Princess

2009-10-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

When I first became unemployed I thought it might be a good time to catch up on all the activities that I enjoyed. I figured, in between searching for jobs, I could live in a bit of a fairy-tale land and do things like get my nails done, apply and re-apply my make-up, bake cookies and overall just spend an hour or so a day pretending to be a princess.

What I have found is that I have busied myself with catching up with the organization of my finances, getting all the papers on my desk put into some sort of reasonable order and other tasks about home that have been put off because I was just 'too busy.' Additionally, it has given me valuable time to assist my aging parents. I could ad to the list but I think you get the picture. I have been very busy.

With that said, I have discovered that it does not matter whether you are working for an employer or not, your personality is the same. If you are prone to work diligently, you are prone to work diligently, no matter what task you take on and no matter if you work for yourself or for an employer or you are at home with time off. Between helping family and gluing all the pieces together that have fallen apart while I was employed, my days are full.

What I find interesting is not so much how I see my day unfolding but how other people see me. Oddly, I am receiving all kinds of random phone calls. Everyone from friends, to old clients wanting me to 'do something' for them. Apparently, it is assumed that I am sitting on my butt in front of the boob tube eating bon bons. Certainly these people aren't peering in my windows and if they were, they would see that bon bons are not on the menu and the T.V. is non-functional.

Curiously, they are all calling me from their vehicles while driving down the road. I too drive down the road and have answered their calls while doing so. But apparently, they visualize me submerged in a fragrant bubble bath with my pool boy at my side. Better yet, sitting erect at my desk, pencil in hand, awaiting their call with enthusiasm.

Further, these poor souls are not only reaching out to me in what appears to be desperation, it is apparent they have some considerable loss of cognitive ability. Many of the people calling me are employed. Assuming that most business owners hire people because they find them to be intelligent and capable, I am stumped as to why I am receiving these calls. They claim to not be able to solve the simplest of equations. The list of requests goes as follows:

1)Hi this is Jacob (name changed to protect the stupid) I need you to call me back and tell me the right 800 number to call for the extension of my unemployment benefits. My thoughts? I suppose it is the same number you called to get them in the first place. Why do you think I would have any greater access to information than you do?

2)I don't know what form to get from abc corporation so that I can do xyz! Guess what? Neither do I! Why don't you dial their number instead of mine and ask them! Get the information from them instead of whining at me in hopes I will do it for you!

And last but not least, as I am driving down the road in the middle of an hour and a half commute to an appointment, I get this call from a friend who owns their own successful business and travels internationally on a regular basis:

3)Please help me. I do not understand. (Because I don't want to right now) I am making reservations to fly to L.A. and it says $49 flight one way. I do not know if I should buy one way or get a round trip. Will you do it for me?
My response: I am driving down the road.
Their response: I am driving on the freeway. I do not have time. You do it for me. I don't understand.

I don't understand either! How the hell am I supposed to know if you are going down there to stay or returning home after your visit? Additionally, do the math! What makes the most logical sense given your set up circumstances?

See? Loss of cognitive ability!

Now I'm sorry but since when am I anyone's personal travel agent, let alone their secretary? Call someone else who does this for a living or at least someone who is sitting in front of their computer! I'm in the frickin' car! Further, I fly twice per year. You fly 5 or more times per year. Who's advice would YOU take?

Look people. I am unemployed, not volunteering for those too lazy and suddenly too stupid to handle their own lives. If I wanted to counsel people with lobotamies all day, I would work in a nut house. And if I wanted to be someone's personal assistant, I would apply to be one!

Right now, I want to be the princess or at the very least get the benefit of being unemployed which means not taking orders all day from stupid people. As far as I can tell, you are all capable of handling your own crap so stop mistaking my Juicy Couture handbag for a feces catcher. My unemployed calendar is entirely too full for me to follow the likes of your ass around all day, handling all of the shit you don't want to deal with.

When In Doubt-Relax and Ride The Wave

2009-10-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

With so many American's unemployed, the unknown that the future holds is sometimes a bit frightening. Peering over the edge of your life and not being able to see what's in store can become an obsession of sorts. It can bring on feelings of helplessness, confusion and loss of control. Yet the need to constantly be on the lookout both in front of and behind you, and wondering how deep the waters are that you are in, can send your mind into an endless cycle not unlike the daily hamster wheel that many corporations encourage us to remain on. Run, run, run.....keep up, keep running, you're getting behind. And if you get behind, your wheel will flip you right over backwards. And honestly, who knows what that might feel like. Darn scary, so let's keep running.

Not knowing what's on the horizon or even which way to turn is like being lost at sea, disoriented and without radar. The sensation of smallness is overwhelming and the anxiety immobilizing. We are so accustomed to having a daily focus and knowing what the plan is for that day that when faced with the void of the unknown and freedom to choose, we panic.

The best thing to do when faced with the feelings of fright that we all may be feeling is to embrace them. Rather than spend time looking over the rail of your life and wondering how much water you could potentially take on, just go with it. Lean into what scares you, relax, take a breath and adjust your sails.

Life is as unpredictable as the sea. The waters that are smooth as ice can radically change with the shift of the wind. Your boat can keel over and the spray can come at you in the gallons. But rather than panic and hold on for dear life, screaming where no one can hear you, take a look at your sails. The wind may be coming so fast and the waters so rough that it's best to just take them down for a bit, hunker down and ride out the wave. After all, we are built to remain quite stable on the roughest of seas. Relax. Smooth sailing is just ahead.

Time

2009-10-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

Back in the days of rushing out the door to rush around all day to rush back home to rush and cook dinner to rush to fold the laundry to rush to pay the bills to rush in a few circles, just for the sake of rushing, to collapsing into bed....I always wished I had 'more time.'

What is time, exactly? A specific location on the place of a clock? A series of events that occur, therefore passing time? If you can pass time, can you pass it at the dinner table? "Please pass the time." "We have wasted too much time, therefore we are out of time. I'm sorry. The time has passed. It is too late to pass the time." Is time something I can wait for? "I'm not going to do it until the time is right." Does that mean that time can be right or wrong? It seems we have all kinds of ways to describe time. The right time, the wrong time, bad timing, the time of day, the time of night, we don't have time, yes, we have some time, or a little time or it's about time. I don't know about you but each glance at my clock gives me a different time. And if I look at a clock for another geographic location across the world it is now an entirely different time. Does that mean that I am having a good time? Or is this what they mean by the time of my life?

Now that I am not checking the time throughout my day, I realize there is no such thing as time. We all talk about it, want more of it, wish we hadn't wasted it, hope there is enough of it, but there is really no such thing. There is now. There is what is. We are here. That is it.

So in reflecting back to when I dreamed of having more time, I realize now, I don't want time. Time is not real. It is only a place on a clock. An ever moving, ever changing spot on the face of my clock. It took years for me to realize this. And lots of "free time."

Cheap Thrills

2009-10-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

Rolling over to the buzz of a clock is commonplace for most of us. It is ingrained into us from an early age. It's what we do. It's what we live by. The clock.

I never realized the relationship I had with my own alarm clock until I was unemployed. When I think back to my working days, I can recall cursing the ominous click before the blare of the radio flooded the bedroom in the wee hours of the morning. Ugh. Another day on planet earth. Time to get up and do it all over again. Each day the same scenario would go through my head as I hit the snooze button. "OK. I'm only going to hit it once. Then I'm going to get up and get going. I can't be late. I will feel better about myself if I just get up now. I have to get up anyway, so why not be early? Why not get ready at a leisurely pace?" By the time the thoughts had completed their cycle of running through my head, the radio would be back on, chattering about the latest world crisis. Smack! I'd hit the snooze button once again. This would go on and on. Like a game I would challenge the clock to tempt me again and again until I was in a state of living on the edge, just breaths away from the very last possible minute I could get up, get showered, ready and be out the door, and still be on time. Click...Smack, click.. smack, click...smack! Click! Awwwk...it's late! I overslept! In a panicked frenzy I would leap from the bed, run to the bathroom, jump into the shower, toothbrush in hand, and start my morning routine. Cursing myself for getting into this position, once again, I would question my own underlying motives. Out of the shower and into the bedroom, the dressing crisis would begin. Awwwk! I still need to dry my hair! I would dress, do the hair and grab my makeup bag. Out the door I would run and inevitably there would be frost on my car's windshield that required scraping. After much ado with the preparation of the windshield, I would begin my commute, putting on my makeup at each stoplight and down straight stretches of the freeway. Amazingly, I would cruise in the office door, dressed, together and ready for my day, on average, 17 minutes early.

These days I get my cheap thrills exactly the way they sound; cheap. Since I am on a budget of sorts, I find the simplest things give me the greatest pleasure. I like to set my alarm for 5:30 am and when it goes into its habitual click mode, I roll over, by-pass smacking the snooze button and give it a click right back, turning it off. I roll over and I smile. Ahhh to awaken when I feel like it. It brings me great joy.

I'm wondering if, when I return to the workplace, I will once again resume the dysfunctional relationship with my clock and the dangerous habit of applying makeup while driving, or if I will count my blessings, knowing that I was given the cheap thrill of awakening at my leisure, day after day, for several months on end.

I Don't Look Like Holly Madison.....& Other Devastating Realizations

2009-10-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

Working eight to five, five days per week has its advantages. Not only do we gain access to thousands of dollars every year, we are given the wonderful opportunity to rush out the door without a healthy breakfast.

Because we have become such fabulous time-management specialists, we establish new processes for fulfilling our morning appetite and managing the commute. Due to our brilliant skills in design and measuring effectiveness, we have linked a quick detour to our regular morning drive, through the unnamed espresso establishment, which not only assists us in ingesting our daily dose of muffins and caffeine, it cuts 10.75 minutes off of our morning routine. Thus allowing us that much more sleep. Additionally, it feeds our selves, that have become so lonely from overwork, something of warmth that triggers a feeling of comfort in the brain. It's absolutely genius!

In reflecting back on my work days, another exciting discovery has come forth. Being employed with a full schedule provides a lovely opportunity to exist in a state of total body denial. Awakening, in my mind, as a goddess each and every day, I showered and dressed my 21 year old body and strutted off to work; looking mighty fine as I did, by the way. Well, you'll never guess what. This morning I caught a glimpse at the reflection in the bathroom mirror while drying off from bathing. I had one of those tuh duh moments. I do not look like Holly Madison. In fact, I look more like Goldie Hawn; two of her.

Somewhere along my morning commute, I must have shoved 47 too many (not one too many) muffins across my greedy, sucking lips and as a result I have morphed into a vertical wigwam of sorts. I'm not exactly certain when it actually occurred but it did indeed and if I'd known back then that there were two of me, I would have left one home to clean house while the other was out making a living!

So, here I am, middle-aged, overweight and unemployed. I prefer denial but facing reality is the beginning of a true journey of discovery. In my case I have discovered that my imaginary friend is not my imagination after all and that she is lazy. I have been carting her around with me for many months now and honestly, it's been exhausting.

On a lighter note (hee hee), I am what I have become and that includes skills, confidence, abilities, creativity, drive and let's not forget, an expert in time-saving techniques. I like my skill-set. It is user-friendly, vast and employable. The fact that I am twice the volume I originally started with can be temporary, or at the very least a fascinating science experiment, but my skills will be with me forever.

Take a look at yourself, naked or not. Maybe you've developed a furrowed brow, a gray hair or a limp in your gait. As you observe the person in the mirror, choose to look a bit further but not before you take off the mask of denial. Be certain that along with those traits, you've developed unmatched skills that will serve you for a lifetime.

See yourself for what and who you are. You are a perfect you with your own unique skill-set, your own unique ideas and your own unique voice which is waiting to be heard. And the world is ready to listen.

Do You Ever Wonder What Your Dog Did All Day When You Were Working?

2009-10-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

This morning is evolving into a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. The dog's wet nose has been punching the side of my leg like a bingo parlor patron dabbing their game card. How many times must my leg get sponged this morning? But, just when I think I am going to scream bloody murder at this creature, I look down and meet her big blue eyes searching mine and see the tip of her tail wagging with anticipation and hope, and I melt into a pool of heartfelt sentiment. (Would that be like an exfoliation of the cardiovascular system?) The poor creature has so much pent up energy she doesn't quite know what to do with it all. So between barking at the parrot and playing bingo on my leg, she has worked herself into a knotted frenzy and now has collapsed into a lifeless looking form on the floor. She is taking part in the ultimate escape; sleep. I do believe she has driven herself nuts. Well, guess what? I'm not all that far behind her.

Being at home today is driving me into the brink and the day has barely started. What I wonder is what does this sweet creature do when I am working? I mean, this poor dog is unemployed every day of her life! No wonder she gets a thrill out of running to the end of the hallway, leaping onto the bed and destroying the covers, jumping down and running back up the hallway, repeat, repeat, repeat, until she is so out of breath her sides are heaving. She's nuts!

I caught myself making faces over my shoulder at an imaginary friend, just a few minutes ago! I now understand her behavior. The dog and I are one. We have officially gone off the deep end.

I believe today is the day to leash up the nutty pupparoo, hop in the car and go into town and walk the streets of the business district. Why not take a look about and see just what businesses are thriving during this time of so called economic crisis? If you have a dog, I suggest you do the same. Dogs are great ice-breakers and who knows what ideas we might come up with, who we might meet and what contacts we will establish. Let's gather information like squirrels gathering food for winter. If nuts is going to be part of our life, let's make them the nuts we choose, not the nuts we become.

Pumkin Launchers Suck

2009-10-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful fall day. Summer has come to an end and the beginning of a lovely, colorful fall is here. I'm still unemployed. How 'bout you? I'm OK with it. In fact, I am rather enjoying it. If it wasn't for household bills, I could be very happy to stay in this state forever more. I do need to eat, however, and the checker at the grocery store still wants my money.

How many million people are unemployed now in the U.S? I'm not sure of the number today which leads me to my next statement: Pumpkin launchers suck! What the hell are you people thinking? Do you know how much food you can get out of a pumpkin? Pumpkin soup, baked pumpkin with butter, brown sugar and raisins, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread. All that out of one frickin' pumpkin! Why then are you people spending large sums of money designing, manufacturing, buying and selling pumpkin launchers? What are you thinking? Have you gone mad? Do you know how many people out there cannot even pay their mortgage let alone go to the store and buy groceries? And you are spending leisure time launching pumpkins through the air so that you can watch them smash into pieces upon impact? What a disgusting waste of not only time but resources and the obvious; food!

With that said, here is a penny pinching, recipe for mung bean and pumpkin soup with chopped chicken:

Chopped, raw pumpkin, skin removed-about 3 cups
Chopped onion-1 large
A few tomatoes, chopped
Mung beans and french green lentils or any other lentil or bean-soaked till they sprout a bit-couple of cups
Any other chopped vegetables you think you would be tasty
Garam Marsala-spice
Cinnamon
Seasoning salt
Mohave Chili pepper
Chopped chicken
A few cups of chicken broth
Cook on low all day...................Cheap and yummy

Take more pumpkin and bake a few pieces, laying on their backs on their skins, about 5x5 in size. A little water in the bottom of the pan. Cover with foil. Cook at 350 degrees till soft to touch with a fork. Add a couple of tablespoons of butter and some raisins and brown sugar. Cook a little longer till the butter and sugar melt together and the raisins plump. .............Exquisite!

Now guess what? You still have 3/4 of a pumpkin left. Make a pie and some bread and another batch of soup for the freezer and saute' some in a stir fry.

Good gracious people! Quit launching the flipping pumpkins and eat them for cryin' out loud! The hunger you save may be your own!

Have a nice evening being unemployed. And well fed by the way.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

2009-10-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

So I haven't posted anything in several days. What are you going to do about it? I'm unemployed and I can do whatever I want. I don't answer to you and I don't answer to any company. I just do what I want. And guess what? I wanted to do something other than post entries to this blog, so that's what I have done.

Have you ever fantasized about saying something like that to your employer? We all have but the fact is, we say we need the paycheck. But on a deeper level, we all want to contribute.

So here I am again because for some reason I feel accountable to you and find that I do carry a certain amount of guilt if I don't present you with something to read on a daily basis. Why? I suppose I have a conscience and I feel we are in this together, you and I, and I want to contribute to the success of WE.

With that in mind, think of all the daily threats you received while employed at said corporation. 'If you don't do this, we will do that. And if you don't do that by this time (yesterday), we will have to do this to you: impose something even more uncomfortable than attempting to make a deadline in an impossibly short time frame which, by the way, encompasses your evenings, your dinner hour, your bathroom time and let's not forget, the time with your family, up to the point where total exhaustion takes over your human body (we ARE human, in case you hadn't noticed oh corporate entities) and you collapse, face down upon your keyboard, awakening only because you are sneezing uncontrollably from the dust that became unsettled from the impact of you face free falling upon the desk.'

Now I don't know about you but I LIKE to produce something of value to share with the world, the people I care for and even my employer! I have a little pride, I want to give, I want to contribute. I think you do too. So why then do large corporations operate through fear? Do they feed off of our fear? Do they honestly think that the fear will produce more than free-flowing conscious effort? Come now! I've always been more productive when kindly asked rather than threatened. I think it is human nature. Maybe the heads of corporations and the heads of the heads aren't human so they can't empathize? I am asking myself this question.

Keeping all this in mind, would you take some time to consider what it is you really want to do with your life please? You can do whatever you want. No? What and who is stopping you? Just do it. Don't wait for the right job to come along. Don't ask permission. Just take action; action in any direction with your life dream in mind. Just start. If you want to paint, then paint. If you want to open a cafe' then go to the small business administration and start the process and keep moving. I want to write. So here I am. I am not holding on to what will come of it. I am not worrying about how I will make money doing it. I am going with the flow and know that if I continue to do what I love, the money will come. And if I work another job that isn't my dream, in the meantime, so be it. But I will not work a job that owns me. I want to own my job. After all it is mine. Take responsibility for what you want in life and know that you can have it. Whatever it is you dream of, take a step toward it as soon as you finish reading this paragraph and get ready for the wonderful ride ahead of you. You really can do whatever you want!

New Approaches to Self

2009-09-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been shocked when you hear new information? Information that conflicts with your current belief system? I have. Quite often, throughout my life, someone has presented me with a new way of doing things and I find myself rejecting their suggestion.

For many of us the tendency to immediately discard new information is a given, knowing that the status quo is the best way. I have doubted the credibility of the information given me and I have even doubted the individual who is telling me about it. My mind has quite often been closed. Has yours?

While in my twenties I was desperate for a cure for my ailing stomach among other complaints including fatigue. I had been to several doctors with no results. In fact, they told me, in the most tactful way possible, that there really was nothing wrong with me; it was all in my head.

I was lucky enough to be acquainted with a co-worker who had experienced something similar to me. She told me about how she regained her perfect health. Because I was desperate, my mind was open to any and all solutions around me. As a result I discovered Traditional Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture. I embarked on a whole new world of preventative medicine, completely in conflict with any MD advice I had ever taken. The results were absolutely astonishing! And the beauty of it was, there were no negative side effects. Today. no matter what physical or mental issues arise, I turn to my Chinese herbalist.

Keeping an open mind is the way to learn new things, expand our experience and provide ourselves the opportunity to gain knowledge and enrich our lives. In addition it can just be plain fun.

With today's economy creating a high level of unemployment, it is imperative that we keep our minds open; open to new ideas, open to new ways of doing things, open to suggestions from everything and everyone around us. Closing down our minds and continuing down the same path that we have in the past may not be the solution. It may cause us to remain in the same symptomatic state with undesired results. Let's not wait until we are desperate to open ourselves up to new ways of making a living. In fact, let's take a look at doing things from the exact opposite angle. Challenge yourself this week. Put your profession up in front of the mirror and open your mind to what is reflected back to you.

Be True to You

2009-09-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

I realize that being unemployed causes a storm within me not unlike a tornado; so much unpredictable energy swirling around with no particular direction in mind. How good can that be for me or anyone in my midst? Though I have found ways to keep busy and entertain myself, my brain is on overtime with no particular project driving it. I suppose this could be a grand discovery about myself. I need mental stimulation.

Not everyone was born to take part in the same occupation. Companies and family units need unique differences in their participants in order to function successfully. Your talents are just that; yours. Keep them in mind and note your passions while job hunting. You know what makes your heart sing. No one else really does. Well meaning friends may advise you of job openings here and there and even pressure you to apply because you need a job or because they see a benefit that is attractive to them. Rather than try to fit yourself into an open position that you see advertised, determine what YOU would do best at, what drives you, what excites you and determine how a position can serve you. By serving yourself in the best way possible, you will be able to give back to the company you work for, tenfold what he has given you. Smart employers know this. Rather than just taking a position, any position, determine what kind of person you are, what talents and unique abilities you possess and what you love doing, and relay that to the company you'd like to be employed by. Companies that just want warm bodies are missing an important element to remaining successful and keeping employees long term. Smart companies hire individuals and place them where their talents are best utilized.

Make sure you are true to yourself during your job search. Be who you are, go after what you want and set the panic over finances on the back burner. True up and by knowing yourself be certain you're going after what you need to avoid becoming a misdirected storm. All will work out better than you could ever have imagined.

Is This What They Call "Self Employment?"

2009-09-25T13:25:00.001-07:00

Can you recall the last job you held? Can you recall being overwhelmed, feeling overworked and daydreaming about being home, lounging around, scavenging the frig and just doing whatever the heck you wanted to do? Did you ever wish that you would get fired so you could take off on a road trip and play in the mountains and go fishing? I did. I used to dream in desperation.

But today I've had about all I can take of being unemployed. There's something to be said for feeling as though one has a purpose; even if that purpose isn't your life dream at the moment.

I have found that the chrome on the faucets does not get any brighter if I polish longer, my teeth can only feel so clean no matter how long I floss and I can only stay interested in baking french pastries for a short period of time. Guess what? The time for all of them is over.

I think we create our lives with our thoughts. I got what I wanted. Time off. I took it, I dealt with it, I enjoyed it. It's time to dream up a new life. Maybe I should just crawl back into bed and fall asleep so I can get to dreaming. But the fact of the matter is, I have had so much sleep in the last several months, I am certain I have reversed the aging process! I must look like I'm 29 again. I just know it. I bet you've been sleeping a lot too. C'mon! We all have.

This just goes to show that sometimes what we dream of having is not exactly what we want or need, long term. It does, however, give us time to reflect when we have time off from the grind. My reflection has shown me that though I do not want to re-create the position I last held, I do want to create something. Now, well-
rested, it is time to narrow down exactly what that is.

Let's quit moping and move toward becoming 'self-employed.' Let's create the job we want for ourselves. We know what it is...let's just fine tune it today. God knows, we have time!

OUCH! If I'm in Pain, Do I Have to Look for a Job?

2009-09-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but when I'm in pain, I just want to lay still and growl. As a result my job hunting got put on the back burner today and I scampered out of the house to the local massage practitioner's. SOMEBODY needs business so I thought I'd do my part by patronizing her office.

Getting a massage has a beautiful way of clearing out the old junk. Junk from the past, junk from the job you hated and junk that your ex said to you. It all gets brought up and rubbed around and flushed out. It's simply a lovely, therapeutic and totally human experience. I left her office purring.

I feel better this afternoon. And I don't feel a darn bit guilty for taking the day off. Looking for a job is just a big pain in the neck and it was time mine got a good rub.

Be kind to yourself today. Don't worry if you didn't land a job this week. Take care of you first and the rest of the world will follow suit. You will find the job you want or create the one you've been dreaming of. The important thing is to listen to your heart, your body and that funny little man inside your head that screams at you constantly, over the sound of the blaring music you listen to in the car. He's telling you what you were born to do. You're just not listening. Schedule a massage and be silent for an hour. You deserve time off, even if you are unemployed. And so does the little man in your head. Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Unemployment and Addiction - What Are You Hooked On?

2009-09-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't told you before this but I think it is time you knew. I am a member of my own little recovery club. CA. No, not California, Cola-Anonymous. Yes, I am an addict. I would stand up right now and announce it to the group but the group is me, and of course my dog. But as you know, she loves me no matter what, the little enabler!

For quite some time I was on the wagon, doing well, drinking water and herbal tea, feeling like a million bucks. Then one day I decided to have one, just one cola. It was all down hill from there. I have battled this addiction both while employed and when I am not working. If it is in front of me, I will drink it. If it is not, I choose water. It's not like I tear the house apart seeking anything that remotely looks like it to ingest into my body. Ahh...a left over remnant of a bottle of motor oil! Let's water it down and meet the need. NOT. There's just something about that tingly sensation and that cola flavor. It just says a lip-smacking, ahhh.
So why has being unemployed quadrupled my little naughty sipping action from one can per week to two cans per day? Habit. I've developed a habit. And that habit has evolved into an addiction.

Developing habits can have a positive or negative effect on us. It simply depends on the habits we choose to develop. Now in terms of myself, for instance, I have developed a nasty, nasty habit that has morphed into a daily addiction. What do I or anyone else need to do in order to curb our addictions that do not enhance our lives? Educate ourselves.

Last night I picked up a book on how to make a garden path out of stone and concrete. The author stated, in step 8, that after applying the concrete between the stones, pour a can of cola over the stones to eat away any concrete residue that remained on them. Concrete. My stomach. Concrete. My stomach!

Today I read an article, as I sat sipping my concrete devouring cola, about how, besides leaching the magnesium, calcium and other valuable electrolytes from your body, the beverage acts exactly like heroine in your brain. No wonder I like this stuff! I always wanted to be a flower child! Yeee-ikes! It also explained my often erratic behavior about an hour and a half AFTER consuming the beverage. I've caught myself on occasion, head spinning around on my shoulders, the whites of my eyes exposed, emitting alarming accusations from my scrunched up lips. Now I know. I was coming down; going through withdrawals. And it has been my loved ones that have taken the beating as a result of my uncontrollable desire to feel bubbles bursting upon my tongue.

I'm second guessing my ability to make good decisions for myself today. I believe I need to take a turn for the better and provide myself more education that will assist me in making positive changes for my body, my self and my career.

Since I would like to change the direction of my career, I believe I need to change the direction of my behavior. Are you addicted to something that isn't good for you? A career that makes you sick, by chance? Are you looking for work in that same career because you know nothing else?

I'm going to start at the beginning. And in the beginning, there was (and still is) water. We are made up of, what is it, 85% water? Either way, we're not made up of cola, cola doesn't make our bodies operate better, it makes our brains think we are on heroine and it certainly doesn't make us better at our jobs. So why take on a habit that doesn't serve us, our families or the friends that we love? If your stomach is burning and if you find that your head spins at the end of your workday, or at the very thought of becoming re-employed in the same career, think it over. Won't you join me in going back to the beginning, pouring a nice cool, refreshing glass of water and together taking a look at who we were before our bad habits took over? Bottoms up!

I Wonder if My Dog Knows I'm Unemployed......???

2009-09-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Do you ever notice how dogs always know when it's time to get up, time to leave the house and what time the mailman will come by on any given day? My dog, Isis, never wakes me these days. She just waits patiently until I open my eyes. At that moment I can hear her tail tapping. I raise up just enough to get a glimpse of her and there she is, happy as a lark, thrilled to see that I didn't die in my sleep. She must know that I don't have a job. And the beauty of it is, I don't think she cares.

Today I grabbed the car keys and invited Isis along on a trip to the store. We ended up on a drive along a country road that ended at a nursery where I purchased bulbs to plant. I'm going to pretend that the reason I purchased them is for a symbolism of seed ideas, planted now, erupting into beautiful displays under the warming rays of next year's spring. God knows it may be next year's growing season before I have a job so why not gather ideas, plant them, allow them to winter over and by spring they will all come to fruition?

My lovely dog stayed by my side. She trusts, without a doubt, that soon I will work through all my get ready to get readies and be either employed by a company once again or gainfully self-employed. Either way, she's happy. She is fed twice a day and gets to chase balls, chew sticks and jump into the air and snap up flying bugs. What more could a dog want? They don't need to plan because they have mastered the art of living in the moment. And I, during this time, am practicing doing the same.

Living in the moment is a gift that many of us have lost along our life path. Dogs can remind us how exhilarating it can be. In observing my dog, I witness that the simplest of pleasures create an all over bodily reaction from her. Just me walking into the same room celebrates that I've oversold my quota by 150%. She's so appreciative that I simply live. No job has made me feel this good.

Let's take a lesson from our dogs and be thankful that during these times we have them by our side. And if you aren't fortunate enough to own a dog of your own, may I suggest you walk one that belongs to someone else while you are jobless? It will simply warm your heart.

Does One Have to Look for a Job if it's Sunny Out?

2009-09-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

Living in Seattle has its benefits. Sunny days are grand excuses to throw all responsibility aside and dash outside to play! The sun has been beckoning to me all morning but I stuck to the promise I made myself and enthusiastically scanned about the internet for employment. There are some new and interesting positions out there so let's not give up. Better yet, let's find new ways of networking this week as well as new ideas for supporting ourselves.

Since I have a newly found interest in the domestic scene with the kitchen being my favorite haunt, my attention has been directed to the food industry. Why not combine the skills I have with marketing some tasty new product? And you? I'm certain you are well aware of your abilities because if you're job seeking as I am, you have tweaked your resume' so many times you can recite it backwards. So take a look at what you have to offer and what your PASSIONS are! We are born to create the life we want so let's look at what we love, not what pays the bills. Pour your love into your new profession like batter into a cake pan and let's see what comes out of the oven.

Do you ever wonder how some people get so successful? Is it luck? I don't think so. They are the few that have followed their passions without succumbing to the fear that often wells up when we're on the road to our dreams. Pay attention to how you feel. If you feel good, you're probably on the right track. If you feel fearful, think about how you'd feel if fear was not in the picture. I believe I feel pretty darn good right now so with that said I'm going to embark on a new recipe. The Manhattan Clam Chowder, by the way, was exquisite!

Enjoy the sunshine and throw together your own recipe today. Let's see what you're made of!

Staying Fit & Vinegar - Exciting Current Events on the Home Front

2009-09-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

Staying true to myself, I have taken the entire weekend off from my job search. It feels good to have a break.

I did make that chocolate cake, by the way, and though I over-cooked it a bit, it was more than edible. More calories immersed into my ever expanding body. The problem is I cannot afford a gym membership while unemployed. So what does one do to stay fit? Again realizing that I am a creative genius, I decided to wash the windows. "Wax on, wax off." My arms received the work out equivalent to the gym and my windows evolved into sparkling gems. What better way to see into one's future than through crystal clear glass?

I have found the bottled window cleaners, I have purchased in the past, leave a film. Therefore I, being the determined domestic goddess that I am evolving into, threw together a recipe of one part vinegar to about 8 parts water. A winning combination! How to remove film from your windows: Wash with vinegar solution and wipe dry with a paper towel. Sparkling clean! This is very exciting to me because I don't know about the rest of you but washing windows has never been a very high priority because frankly, I just wouldn't take the time. I realize it is not a new scientific discovery for many of you but for me using vinegar and water is a great discovery. And since I am stuck in the house with the daily challenge of how to feel productive, it excites me beyond belief.

Today I have accomplished a rather strenuous workout for the arms while creating a whole new outlook on my world. A clean one.

Meanwhile, the Manhattan Clam Chowder (my latest mouth watering creation) has been cooking on the stove. I concocted this from glancing at a recipe I found online and following it, for the most part. I have to say, removing the lid and seeing the array of colors and textures has left me quite impressed with myself and my culinary abilities! Maybe I should open a small cafe. It seems I enjoy this whole cooking thing.

I hope that your Sunday has been as productive and happy as mine. Who could ask for better weather for a fall day? Tomorrow morning it will be back to the grind of job searching and brainstorming. Coming from a fresh perspective, I'm actually looking forward to it. I hope you are too.

Do the Unemployed Get Saturday Off?

2009-09-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

Another day another dollar....out the door. Do the unemployed get to take Saturday off? If so, does that mean I am not unemployed on Saturday? With that being the case I suppose I am employed then. But just for two days. What do I do for a living on the weekend? Errrr...this is going nowhere. I'm still, yes, you guessed it, an unemployed loser. I feel that way today. Do you ever feel that way? I mean, I guess one can feel like a loser even if they're employed but today having no job gives me a good reason to feel that way. Or not.

Loser is a state of mind. Come on, you know you have felt it. And honestly, that's all it is; a feeling. We're not losers. We just aren't employed by someone else. And who gives them the right to employ us and have that much control over how we feel about ourselves? Why don't we think about how we can employ others and run their self-esteem all to hell and back. Up the roller coaster, down the roller coaster, around and around and around! There! How did you like that? You, you employer you! My state of mind is off the track today; derailed like a train out of control. Let's not let this situation create a storm in our brains. Let's stay on track and remind ourselves just how valuable we are not only to a company but to our families and ourselves, not to mention, our dogs!

What do you say we take the day off from being unemployed. Frankly, I'm ready for it. This job can be very taxing! Let's pretend we are successful at the occupation of our dreams. That's where it all begins you know. And what a better thing to do on our day off than dream up our new life and look forward to it. Happy Saturday!

Think Pink

2009-09-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

The volunteer opportunities that I found yesterday didn't strike my fancy. I mean, after all, shouldn't I do something I really WANT to do if I am going to volunteer my time? Selflessness is not my cup of tea right now. How pathetic am I? I should be ashamed but honestly, I just want to indulge in my world of make believe: I believe I am a princess.

This morning as I woke, the pink clouds in the sky beckoned to me as I laid in bed doing the usual snorts and yawns of dawn. The intensity of their color glowed like the pictures in the bible my mother used to study when I was a child.

I can recall waiting for her to put the book down so that I could turn the pages, seeking out the most enchanting pictures I could find. I wondered why back in bible days, as I would call it, everyone looked so beautiful and the sky had so many colors. Each page more lovely than the last, I would become lost in the opalescent wonderland. I'd glance at the gray text now and then but the thees and thous never held my interest for long. It was the visuals that took me on a journey and caught up in their beauty, I would make up my own bible story.

Today isn't much different. As the sun rose higher in the sky, the pink clouds became gray and a thick fog hovered on the horizon. I noticed the gray and took note of the fog but neither held my interest. I was too enamored with the memory of the beautiful pinks I had witnessed at sunrise. I made up a story about how my day would unfold and how I would feel. I saw sunshine and blue sky and bright, happy colors in my mind.

Sure enough I spent the morning cleaning the kitchen and unwrapping some colorful painted tiles; works of art I purchased earlier this year. I hung them up and watched the room come alive. I could have sat around feeling sorry for myself today. The clouds did give me permission. But I decided to take my life in my own hands and create what I want. As a result I feel pretty good. I don't have a job yet; one that makes me money. I am, however, discovering my passions; passions that have been lying dormant for quite some time.

Should I make the yummy chocolate cake I told you about a day or so ago? I DO have the ingredients now. I don't need more calories and I bet the rest of Unemployed America doesn't either. But tonight I would really like to be able to express myself and blurt out those words of Marie: Let Them Eat Cake!

Should I Actually LOOK for a Job Today?

2009-09-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

It seems the same jobs are out there, advertised, day after day. All three of them. While I run a relaxing bath I am coming to the conclusion that I should probably take a more proactive approach to finding some income. What, pray tell, would that be, is the question. Should I 'walk and talk' with resume' in hand? It seems these days all that will bring on is a swift kick out the door and instructions to apply online. Should I come up with some new form of employment? Should I employ myself? If so, what would middle-aged, misplaced creative me do? Hmmmm....my brain appears to be fried from too much exposure to society's version of what's acceptable. What now?
I think I will let my mind run rampant and see what drops in for a visit: Pick apples in Eastern WA., pose nude for a painter, paint fences in the neighborhood, create a car wash that is giving to charity-mine! Stand by the freeway and hold a sign: Will work for YOU-I actually need LESS food, as you can see. Walk dogs, run errands, sweep porches, help others with their resume's, network. Go volunteer. Yup, that's a good way to make contacts. No immediate income but it might help some. One thing always leads to another. I'm going to scan the 'volunteers wanted' ads and see what I can do. More on this later........

How Unfocused Can We Become? I'm Just Wondering.....

2009-09-16T17:06:00.001-07:00

So let's see here.......where HAS the day gone? I've contemplated my next move in terms of a job, read my email, intended on going to the grocery store to gather the ingredients for that fab cake I was dreaming about but...ended up at the nail salon. An hour of total bliss, my feet getting more attention than a hooker at a boyscout camp, I made believe I was Marie Antoinette; or at the very least, someone like her. Hedonism is my curse. I love to be pampered. Can't I do this for a living?
The truth is, I am not a focused person these days. In fact, I tend to meander around, taste testing everything that amuses or interests me. Mind you, these things change from moment to moment. To sum it all up, though I was Marie for a few choice moments today, I do not get to utter the words "Let them eat cake!" at the dinner table tonight. Instead it will be, yes it's true, I made it, "Let them eat chili." How I got from chocolate cake to chili I have no idea but trust me, it smells nifty. Oh I know, it was a moment of frugality that hit me, once again. Remember the maple syrup recipe? I considered what ingredients were in the kitchen, had a creative moment, and decided that chili was the logical choice rather than go to the store and spend yet more unemployed dollars. So there IS a method to my madness. It's just that I don't always know what it is.
What are you having for dinner? Hopefully you're being creative too because who knows where our next paycheck is coming from, right?

Daydreams-Nature's Preservatives for Sanity

2009-09-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I was created with sound mind. In fact, some would beg to differ if another labeled me 'normal.' Either way, my daydreams have prevented me, on many occasion, from throwing myself from a 5 story building.
As I sit here now, comfortable, the dog at my feet, my hair in a towel with the cool morning air coming through the door, I recall my days at a well known national company. Sitting in corporate Monday morning meetings, breathing in the foul odor of desperate pleas from management masked as demands and quotas, was enough to send me off into my own personal little happy place. "What? You made your quota? We were just kidding. It's actually three times the number you just achieved."
The muscles in my eyes would suddenly become immobile and I would take on the persona of a deer in the headlights. Frozen in time, my breathing shallow, I could feel the cells in my body dying off at an alarming rate. My soul screaming for oxygen, I would tell myself to just make it through this day, no this hour, wait! The next 60 seconds. Saved only by the heavy sigh of my blond partner in crime sitting next to me, my neck would make a sudden jerk toward the window and I would become fixated on the mountains off in the distance. I would imagine myself, all alone, in a fire lookout tower, bathed in silence. The chipmunks were bustling about, devouring the scattered crumbs I had tossed on the ground for them and the humming birds were buzzing around the feeder. My daily friend, a lone mountain goat. Fresh, crisp mountain air!
Throughout my dazed dreaming I would catch the mumblings of said blond friend; something about a Paris apartment and a pink poodle. She was off wandering in another of her French stupors while I roamed the mountainside. Now and again we'd come back to an accepted form of consciousness just long enough to comment on some presenter's fashion infraction or the observance of the CEO's Botox gone bad.
What else did I dream of while sitting amidst the company sheep? Ahhh...sitting in front of my computer, feeling the morning breeze, my dog at my feet; writing. Here I am! A dream come true! What do my daydreams entail now? I find myself not relying on them much. When I do succumb to them , it is not for an escape but just a fun place to visit. A place to create something new I would like to bring into my life. Most of all, I am thankful that when I needed them most, they preserved what sanity I had left.

Up Late

2009-09-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

Maybe this blog should be: How I waste time while unemployed

I seem to have become obsessed with cooking. Actually, I have discovered how much I have missed having no agenda in place. It provides my imagination room to roam about and touch on things I haven't thought of for quite some time; cooking being one subject of interest.

Today I recalled the exquisite chocolate cake with banana filling that was often a gift from, an appraiser, a business contact of mine, while living in Wenatchee, WA. I embarked on an internet hunt for a recipe that might come somewhere close to what this cake provided: scrumptious party in the mouth! I landed on something that looks close. I will modify it a bit and see what I come up with.

Hopefully the bean recipes, being so full of fiber, will offset the calories of this tasty treat.

Now on to something productive. Tony Robbins. Yes, that's it. I am waiting on an auction for some Tony Robbins CD's. I don't know about you but I find this man to be incredibly motivating! Years ago I was in a slump and a friend of mine handed me a cassette tape to listen to. One tape and I was on my way and I don't think I stopped for a good 5 years. He just knows how to light a fire under me. So, because I have become a tad too bit relaxed for my own good, Tony is my answer. I will keep you updated as to my progress, if any can be had at this middle-aged time in my life. I have to say, I quite like where I am at. Unfortunately, my finances won't support this life style forever.

Saving Money

2009-09-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

While cruising the bean recipes I stumbled on a Homemade Maple Syrup Recipe. Wow...what a way to save money....check out her math calcs. We must be frugal. Or at least take on the challenge of seeing just how cheap we can live. Maple syrup it is!

http://hubpages.com/hub/Homemade_Maple_Syrup

September 15th 2009

2009-09-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today: I embarked on a trip to the organic market to gain more knowledge in legumes and beans. From what I have been reading, I have found they are a fabulous contribution to heart health, providing protein, fiber and magnesium along with potassium to our diets. Well, can't hurt to have some nutrition added to my life. I mean, I need all the brain power I can muster right now, right? Searching for a job is hard work. And stressful at that. I never feel so inept as when I read the job classifieds. There are so many things I can't (don't) do! What exactly do I do anyway?
How many people have reviewed this job? 974? Eee...wonder how many applied...let's see. Out of the 974, let's say 5% applied...that leaves me in competition with 40+ some other people........for ONE position. Whelp! Think positive. That's it. I will think positive.

On another note entirely...........
I have found that rolling out of bed at a relaxed pace has given me a new found appreciation for being alive. Better yet, laying there, petting the dog, reading a book on self empowerment, watching the day grow light makes me feel all warm and fuzzy; it's a lovely experience.